on coffee, chocolate and a little bit of care

Yes. Hello again, blog. After a whole year. :)

2011-10-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

OMG IT HAS BEEN A YEAR (MORE, ACTUALLY) SINCE I EVER HAD THE MOJO TO DROP A LINE IN THIS 'NOT-SO-PRIVATE' BLOG OF MINE!

..and the enlightenment to do 'something' about it did not come by sitting under a coconut tree (since I am HOME now and there are plenty of those ^^)... it came because of the sudden fear of losing precious pictures of mine since I ALMOST SINGLE HANDED-ly KO-ed my own HARDDRIVE the other day by stupidly dropping it to the floor and almost smashing the insides into mush.

Yes, I am a butter-fingered dentist. :) Heh.

England has been a year away now.. but memories still stay fresh in my mind :) My last days in Manchester was spent visiting lovely Lucy and her family in the Peak district, near a little quaint very English town called Buxton.

I am happy to be in the comforts of home, with weather more suitable for a warm blooded mammal like myself :) and food aplenty more suitable for my tastebuds, not forgetting the company of my beloved family.

However there are days where I still miss much about the country I called home for 5 years of my life.

Lucy, thank you for inviting me to your lovely home countless times.. it was a precious experience that no money can buy :)

Lu's granny :)

Lu's parents.. who are the kindest hosts :) I won't forget my first trip to Sainsbury with them :) Thank you for trying your best to make me feel at home, in the midst of my homesickness especially in my first few days in England :)

and little Alex! :) I will always remember how you asked me so innocently when you were much younger.. ''Why is your hair black?'' ''Why are your eyes so small?'' ''What colour are your eyes?''

Now you are a talented young footballer, and I am so proud of you :)

kind and gentle pip

...and the beautiful peak district surrounding this beautiful English family that I was so privileged to get to know :)

ah, this will be the place I 'melepaskan rindu'.. the pictures does make me long to go back.. even just for a day.

But I am grateful nevertherless. For I am blessed with these experiences. :) Thank you, Jesus.

Quarter of a century old.. the older you are, the wiser?

2010-09-30T01:35:00.000-07:00

the adage.. doesn't seem to apply to me. I don't feel the least bit wiser. But I guess being wiser is not a 'feeling', its the outlook and the way you look at things when it happens, also the way you deal with adversities when it comes knocking on your door.

Adversities has been always knocking on my door alright, and I forsee more to come.. when I actually start working. REAL WORLD, peilian. No more protective doors.. no more safe roof under my parents watchful eyes..:)

I miss my friends, I miss Manchester, I miss him.

But its nice to know I am still remembered, with the many messages and cards that came through the post :)

The postman is now my favouritest person.. for he brings a little scribbling now and again, from my friends afar :)

Thank you, everyone :) for the kind wishes and thoughtful cards :)

Paran, no in case you forgot.. its not MR. hahaha nevertherless when I saw 'Mr' on the address I knew right away it was you. :)

And yes, its very thoughtful of you.. to pick another card up just bcoz u forgot the envelope for the first one! hahahaha it really made me laugh out loud :) :) :)

although, dear paran, no matter how I am in absolute denial about my age.. 21 is VERY kind :) hahahah

Thank youu yipei!! :) my crazy partner in crime.. I really miss youu :) our postclinicstressbingeeating disorder, cooking sessions, etcetc. the list is endless.you are family to me :) and will always be :)

Nguster! such a thoughtful photoframe, thank you for making the effort to put it together :) I miss you and pp and our birthday trips to visit each other.. being back in Malaysia has its disadvantages I guess, travelling around is not as easy anymore. Nevertherless :) I want you to know its the same for me.. my hand is there for you whenever you need help :) *huggss* thank you for being such a wonderful friend all these years :) I am ever so grateful for you and pp :)

Finally Mr A :) your gifts are plentiful, I couldnt be more blessed :) but most of all thank you for the gift of your heart :)

Eat, pray, love :) recommended read to all girls! I savoured every word, plenty of thoughts to take home... well done Elizabeth Gilbert!! :)

As I said, nothing could have rreplaced your presence on my special day :) but i've learnt how to count my blessings :) and savour each day as it goes by. :)

plus I have my tortoise to keep me company until you return :)

Mei Lin, thank you!! for thoughtfully bringing me gifts and visiting me in my humble home in BM for a few days :) it was truly nice to see you again after so many years :)

Karinita, your long email and your prayers truly touched me to the point of tears :) thank you for always seeing the best in me, and for constantly remembering me in your prayers. I miss you, and yes, it feels really strange.. to have left the country.. not knowing when I will be back again.
But I know, with God's grace, we will meet again. :)

So many people to thank, so many friends that have blessed my life in the past 25years. Thank you,all :) Most importantly, thank You, Lord. :)

Right now I am still growing mushrooms in plentifold. Hahah not complaining though, its nice to have time to do the things I want to do.
FINALLY i have forced myself through completing this blogpost! :) hahaha very difficult to find the mojo in these days of kemalasan tahap maksimum :)

ciao!!

2010-09-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

So much has happened, within the past month. I left England for good, taking with me memories that will last me a lifetime, and friends that have become my extended family. I was also lucky enough to have found love :)

I remember my secondary school teacher said to me before I left home 5 years ago, treasure these years overseas as they will undoubtedly be one of the best years of your life.

She was right. :)

Now I'm home, enjoying the comforts of being pampered with endless supply of food.. and waiting for the next chapter of my life to begin in much anticipation.

Fearful, of the unknown and responsibility that is soon to be mine.. but excited to push myself to my limits, hopefully I'll be able to deliver. My years of education in England, has to be put to use now.. and as much as it is scary, it is also exciting. :)

I will need exceptional strength, and this strength can only come from my Creator :)

Tomorrow morning I'll be reading in church in front of hundreds of people during mass, and the passage, as always.. (coincidentally? I think not :)) speaks right to my heart :)

'What man can know the intentions of GOD?
Who can divine the will of the Lord?
The reasonings of mortals are unsure
and our intentions unstable;
for a perishable body presses down the soul,
and this tent of clay weighs down the teeming mind.
It is hard enough for us to work out what is on earth,
laborious to know what lies within our reach;
who, then, can discover what is in the heavens?
As for your intention. who could have learnt it, had you not granted Wisdom
and sent your holy spirit from above?
Thus have the paths of those on earth been straightened
and men been taught what pleases you.
and saved, by Wisdom.'

(Book of Wisdom; 9:13-18)

Thank you :)

2010-07-30T15:35:00.000-07:00

Thank you, for the flowers, gifts, cards, and wishes on my special day :)

I was a happy graduate. :)

.. with proud and happy parents :)

the 5 full years of hard work, tears and sweat, FINALLY.. BDS in my hands. :)

Finally, after 5 long years, I made it. :)

2010-07-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Pei Lian, 15 July 2010

Congratulations on your graduation!
I truly wish I could be there to celebrate with you, but nevertheless I wish you an awesome graduation. May the day be filled with so much joy and precious memories to last you a lifetime.

It has not been an easy journey for you, I know. The many days of frustration, the many times of despair and the countless moments of hopelessness – have finally come to pass though they never seemed that they would.

So remember this – no matter how dark things seem or how daunting a task may appear, never tell yourself that the goal is out of reach. You’ve achieved for yourself an amazing feat coming this far in a dental course. You’ve proven to yourself that you’ve got what it takes. There is no reason to limit yourself in the future.

As the days in Manchester come to a close, as study years come to a pause,
count not the things you may lose. Instead spend more time cherishing and making every moment count.

When you come back to Malaysia, I hope we can meet again. Regardless, take everything at stride and embrace your new chapter in life.

I, however seem to be contradicting myself here- telling you to worry not of tomorrow yet am speaking so lengthily on future undertakings.

( Full spin now )
For your graduation, celebrate the hard work which has paid off. Dance for you’ve come out stronger from the storm. Shout for you’ve made your parents proud. Sing of the love our God has poured.

Go on, get yourself a new dress! New hair! Get a photographer! Bring your parents to the best places! (Out of lack of creativity I am simply recollecting my own checklist from two years past)

Time sure flies. I am so glad to have you coming back to Malaysia. So happy for you, that you are now Dr. Ee.

Lots of love and tight hugs,

MEI LIN

Thank you, Mei Lin. Thank you for reminding me, that indeed I have reached the finish point of this part of my life, and that I should celebrate and rejoice for making it through.

and thank you, Ian. For always believing in my abilities as your dentist, much more than I could ever believe in myself. For trusting me and constantly encouraging me, to carry on whenever the going gets tough. For being ever so cheerful and positive, even when you could sense that I was going to burst into tears whilst struggling on the other side of the chair.

A battle that I thought I would never have won or completed, I have. But this battle I would not have won if not because of the constant support and encouragement of my patients, who have to sit through long hours of treatment on the chair, putting up with much discomfort without complaint, and turning up dilligently for their appointments.

''You need to believe that you will be a good dentist, Pei.''

Yes, I need to. :)

2010-07-04T10:54:00.001-07:00

Its funny how within a span of few weeks so many things could have happened.

Funny, good word to describe what life throws at you sometimes? Maybe not :)

2010-06-03T03:29:00.000-07:00

WH says (11:24 AM):
wotever....
PEILIAN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
....FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.....GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgg

another addition to my 'collection' of 'stressed out final years msn conversations' curtesy of Darbelew Hege Fun.:)

I is getting really stressed out thinking about having to 'present' IAN and his broken clasp denture. Even the thought of picking up the phone and calling him to ask him if there was 'any problems' is giving me palpitations beyond control.

Bcoz now, it is too late to fix anything.

And I have to justify my 'crap dentistry' in front of intimidating examiners.

Somebody pls just kill me.

Please. God. Please. I need to make it through.

siaw liaw siaw liaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww

2010-06-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

Rachelle says (8:14 AM):
dont breath
Rachelle says (8:15 AM):
as in . breath
dont
panic

... approximately 1hour before my SAQ paper

I is HAVING A PANIC ATTACK

2010-05-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

PARANormal says (3:21 PM):
i'm so sweet i cause caries

PARANormal says (3:18 PM):
yeah haven't you fucking noticed? i'm well cultured
PARANormal says (3:19 PM):
like a COLONY OF ENTEROCOCCUS FAECALIS ON BLOOD AGAR

this is what finals BDS does to u

I is going crazy -_______________-

HELPPPPPP

''TEA OR COFFEE?''

2010-05-12T12:17:00.000-07:00

I am SO intoxicated with CAFFEINE right now i'm getting palpitations. 20DAYS TO FINALS ARGHHH.

*I need a miracle, please GOD. please.

2010-05-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

Exactly 21 days till the big FINALS and yesterday I received a text saying I have a tcard in the DH saying 'there is a problem with Ian's builtup tooth'

I WENT INTO PANIC 101, WAS STONED FOR A GOOD FEW MINUTES, before gathering myself together and going downstairs to borrow JH's phone to call him..

..AND PANICKED SOME MORE.

His daughter answered the phone, and said 'daddy isn't in can you pls call in 30minutes'..

..which gives me another 30minutes to lose my sanity.

SO MANY THOUGHTS RAN THROUGH MY HEAD. WHAT IF IT IS IRREVERSIBLE PULPITIS. WHAT IF HIS DENTURE BROKE INTO HALF. WHAT IF THIS. WHAT IF THAT.

The more thoughts I put into my head for the worst case scenario that could happen, the more I felt like I couldn't breathe.

SO THIS IS WHAT STRESS BEFORE SITTING FOR FINALS IS LIKE. Drives you up the wall, making you lose your mind. ALMOST.

and this is what its like when you don't have an option. YOU PASS BDS or YOU SCREW EVERYTHING UP.

*I need a miracle, please GOD.*

thank you, B

2010-05-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

...for being so encouraging always :)

...for having faith in me, much more than I have in myself :)

... for being so openly appreciative constantly :)

... for being such a cooperative patient, I know you don't like being on the dental chair at all. But you put up with it, with as much of a smile as you can muster :)

... for the delicious smelling chocolate chip cookies you baked and brought in for me today in clinic :) its the most thoughtful gift :)

Dr Valentine said to me today, ''what are we going to do without you Pei?'' ( hahaha its usually 'what is it you want 'PEIn in the arse'' just for laughs EVERY TIME i go to him to ask for help:) )
you'll write to us from 'singapore' wont you? MANNN i give up correcting him -_-

''Its MALAYSIA, dr V.''

''Yea yea whatever its the same anyway''

-_-

I hope I don't disappoint you, B, or my parents. I NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS FINAL HURDLE.

*STOP SITTING ON YOUR WORK PEILIAN. PLEASE. WORK LIKE YOU NEVER DID BEFORE.*

Bye bye, Ashton Primary Care Centre

2010-05-05T03:37:00.000-07:00

No more 2.99 BOOTS lunch for me with yummy walkers paprika crisps..

Thank you, everyone for the kind wishes:)

the Tuesday girlie group, who deals with kicking and screaming kids, with our tutor Rachel :)

..and finally, my lovely lovely nurse LIZ!! bcoz of her days of having spoilt kids on the chair are a tad bit more bearable :)

No more outreach, if I SQUEEZE through Dental School in June.

*AAAAAAAAAAA launching into a panic mode*

RIP, my dearest UL7.

2010-05-01T00:54:00.000-07:00

Never in my life I would have thought I would have a dental abscess, especially not when I'm a dental student.

But I did yesterday, with my Upper Left 7 (second molar) which has been causing problems since december last year, seen and dressed by a consultant three times, not knowing what was wrong with it.

Caries, nope

Periodontal problems, nope

...but the buccal mucosa next to my tooth was swollen like a balloon yesterday.. and I ran around the DH in a frenzy, trying to get different clinicians to look at it, and tell me its still saveable with a course of rootcanal treatment.

I was told to get the pulp 'extirpated'.(sorryfor the amount of dental jargon here) but sth inside me tells me hmm its really not that simple so I went to Dr. Gormally for a 2nd opinion. He kindly offered to make a small incision on the swelling for me, and prescribe me with some antibiotics.

After the procedure, he very gently told me that my tooth's prognosis is very poor, and that there is barely any buccal bone left, leaving the tooth to be very mobile. He thinks the tooth will be going down the route of having to 'take it out'.

I was horrified, and left saying to him I'll think about it. Went back to clinic, and Dr.Valentine said to me ''Pei I put my money on saying there's a root fracture on this tooth, its best to just have it out.''

So I made that big decision to lose my first adult teeth.

Went back to Dr.Gormally, asked him if he would be so kind to take that tooth out for me, and he obliged.

He injected more local anaesthetic, and whilst he was doing it I sat on the chair in a daze. Put his luxators in ( I could feel the periodontal ligaments tearing), and put the forceps in, to slowly wiggle the tooth away from me.

Every movement that I felt with my tooth getting loser and loser, I felt a deeper sense of loss. So much, that my tears started rolling down uncontrollably on the chair. The infection I had with the tooth made it hurt, and very uncomfortable to say the least, but I knew it was almost impossible to effectively anaesthetise the area when it was so much infection so I just grabbed the chair sides and sat through it.

When it was out I didnt cry with relieve, but with my loss.

It was indeed a vertical fracture right through the tooth, and no matter what we did it will still go down that road of extraction. So I guess its a good thing I didnt waste more time on trying to save it.

I know it might sound all very dramatic to some people, but I guess bcoz we try to save teeth every single day, it sucks to see my own have to go, so early in its 'life'.

Dr Gormally was so very kind, throughout the whole procedure.. he even brought me water and asked me to take my antibiotics on the chair. After the tooth was out he said to me, ''what are we going to do with you pei.. you make me feel like I have to put some implants in for u now'', with a smile. Then he brought me more water and asked me to take my painkillers chairside :) So super duper kind, he really is.

Sigh. So yea now I am one tooth less, although its right at the back, it still sucks.

Oh wells.

Dental TRAUMA

2010-04-29T11:25:00.001-07:00

1more week of dental school, before we go on a study break :)

this week has been pretty eventful, with bits of unexpected things happening, patient wise..

tuesday in Ashton was traumatising, to say the least. I had a 6year old girl on my chair whom was inconsolable.

this was the little girl, who in her first visit refused to look at neither me or my nurse, when she came into my surgery. She hid her face in her dad's shirt, the whole time.. and when we tried showing her how to brush her teeth on the tooth model, she wouldn't even look at us.

Talked, coaxed, persuaded her just to look at us brush the 'tooth model' for an hour.

2nd visit, managed to get her on the chair. also managed to get her to show us how she brushes her teeth, and did a quick polish with our 'special electric toothbrush'. *big WHOOP*

3rd visit, she came in with a broken E, so I had to do a pulpotomy. My tutor doesnt have a clue how difficult this child can potentially be, so she said to me '' Give her LA, open the pulp up and dress it.''

But I KNEW IT WOULD BE AN UPHIILL CLIMB, to say the least. Gave my nurse a 'look', and decided in my head that I would try to very slowly excavate and remove caries with the hand excavator, then slow handpiece if she'll let me.

So off i went, this is probably the SLOWEST i ever went with removing decay from a tooth.

After awhile the child got very impatient, and we had to coax her to open her mouth, over and over again.

Finally did it without anaesthetic, and I was RELIEVED. I thought, OK the difficult part is done. 2minutes, stick the filling in, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. LITTLE DID I KNOW, HELL AWAITS.

little miss SPOILT KID decided she doesnt want a filling in her OPEN CAVITY, so my nurse, her dad and I started our HELL-LIKE journey to coax her to open her mouth for me to put the filling in. 30minutes passed, she was getting more and more upset by the moment, REFUSING EVERY SINGLE THING that we tried to reason her into opening her mouth. 45minutes, my tutor came in and tried, by force whilst dad and my nurse held her down, but she went ABSOLUTELY MAD. KICKED SCREAMED, did the WHOLE SPOILT KID DRAMA THING -_-

I WAS SO FLIPPING TRAUMATISED.

4pm, the child was still on the chair, still refusing to open her mouth. I decided OK u know wad i'm not going to go anywhere with this. the CHILD IS A WALKING NIGHTMARE. She manipulates her dad, crying and crying.. and her dad is SO FLIPPING USELESS. tried and tried to persuade her, trying to bribe her.. new pet la, new toy la etc etc.

OMG I WANTED TO TEAR MY HAIR OUT. SLAP THE FLIPPING KID, and you get sued for 'child abuse'. This is ENGLAND for u.

So yes we gave dad 'Cavit', a temporary filling material so mum can stick it in back home bcoz mum is the stricter one. Put it in a bag, gave her some instructions, and I left the room coz i was getting a serious headache from all that screaming and crying.

Then out of nowhere the conversation about macdonalds came up, and my nurse said ''what do you like from macdonalds''

''chicken mcnuggets''

''well if you let pei stick that filling in I'll get you a mcnugget meal from MCD on the way home''

''OK''

-_- O.M.G. AFTER ALL THAT TIME SPENT. A QUICK OK after a MCD BRIBE.

I. wanted. to. die. I. was. so. freaking. traumatised. by. all. that drama. that on the way back home on the bus, when I saw a little blonde girl holding a balloon, I CRINGED inwardly, and I just felt this shiver of FEAR.

-_- CHILDREN= NOT CUTE= NOT FUN. Sorry suffering from post traumatic disorder now. SUPER.

''ACCLIMATISATION'' is like a ''religion'' in ASHTON. so much so that EVERY extraction feels like a PROPER VICTORY, deserving a huge celebration -_- mannnn how many spoilt kids are there in this part of the world? -_-

Today whilst I was nursing for Ayesha, Steve came in and said ''there's this man who knocked his front teeth and is in pain now, can someone see him''

I decided I'll help, since Ayesha was delivering a denture.. brought the man in, and did a quick H&E. Poor man, he fell on his face when running after a bus outside the MRI yesterday. Knocked 3 of his teeth, his front tooth is excruciatingly painful, and he can't eat.

Took radiographs, saw a cervical fracture.. but wasn't really sure how to proceed bcoz I've never treated a trauma case before. Discussed with a tutor, we decided to splint all his front 4 teeth together with an acid etch composite splint, and extirpate the pulp of his central incisor.

I felt so sorry for him, he looked abit traumatised after the fall, and had bruises and scratches all over his face and limbs.

Did the treatment, and he was so grateful :) he even said ''my teeth feels so comfortable now i think i can have sth better to eat tonight!'' from a miserable looking patient that came into the chair, to a smiling patient who left the chair :) ahh the joys helping someone and making a difference :)

So much to take away, from 5years of dental school, and more and much more to learn.

2010-04-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

today is the day i chopped off my 8months worth of super duper long 'hair'

..now its just at my shoulders, hmmm. STILL CAN't DECIDE if i like it or not

All i know is after the lady was done cutting i was like ''errrrr. I feel like a lion. My hair looks super thick.''

hahaha mann its so different, angmors and asian hairstylists! Now I feel like an asian girl 'with an angmor hairstyle' but 'tak jadi' kind -_-

then again, yet another thing I'll miss when I leave England! :(

36 days to FINALS...

2010-04-26T02:01:00.000-07:00

...and I REALLY SHOULD START launching into a PANIC ATTACK with the rate I am going at in revision -_-

PEILIAN, it all COMES DOWN TO THIS. 5YEARS of DENTAL SCHOOL ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS.. so PLEASE START STUDYING! PLEAAAAAAAAASE -_-

''I have low tolerance to ANY sort of sedative agents''

2010-04-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

Ok I know these pictures are totally unrelated to the title of my post but wad the heck I have a NEW CAMERAA so I have to demonstrate its photo abilities! :) and what better way than to show the world my lenglui friends/housemates :):):)

I should stop going on about my 'camera' I know plenty of people are getting absolutely sick of it :)

So. In relation to the title above. Today in Ashton I had to sedate this 8yearold girl with Nitrous Oxide, to extract her lower 6. In Ashton extracting permanent teeth for kiddies is a BIGGIE (no kidding how big of a deal they make it seem there.. bcoz most of the kids we deal with are referred by GDP's who can't deal with the kiddies who have some sort of dental phobia.. great. send the difficult ones to US STUDENTS -_-) so when the mum insisted little Megan had the tooth out today my tutor said to her, ''You realise you're asking alot out of her you know. Its not a small thing, extraction. ETC.'' And I was getting more and more nervous about having to do it due to all the 'pre-talk' that was given!

Anyway. I shud cut the rambling and get to the point. I gave her 'the gas', and Megan was a mouth breather so she was exhaling some of it through her mouth.. which I had to continuously remind her to close! After doing the usual relaxing exercises with her I felt abit woozy.

Light headed...

..like I had just a 'drink or two'.

Mann. I started pep talking to my brain then.. STOP feeling this way, and took REALLY deep breaths. Gave Megan the IDblock ( luckily she didnt even flinch..) and struggled hard to grab hold of the tooth with my forceps, all the while telling myself I WAS NOT FEELING LIKE I WAS FLOATING AWAY IN A CLOUD.

MANNNN and I THOUGHT I WAS LACKING IN ONLY ALCOHOL DEHYDROGENASE. :)

OK end of story.

On an unrelated note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY APRIL BABIESSS!!!!!!

WANIIIII

PARAN NITHIANANTHANTHANTHANTHANTHANTHAN

AND RACHHHH!!!!!!! :)
Heh I hope the card I made filled with pictures of your 'drunken birthday night out' will remind you of the wonderful crazy student days we shared in Manchester!!! :) :) :)

I is so very going to miss my life over here when I leave.

Mine! Mine! MINEEEE!!!!!

2010-04-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks to OLI I am a proud owner of a brand new CANON IXY 200IS!! :)
IXY coz my camera is made in Japan :) hehh.

Hahaha okaylah oli I promise I wont call you 'sei oli' or 'oli is oily' etc for the next TWO times i see you. :) THANKYOUUUUU I AM EVER SO GRATEFULL :) :) :)

2010-04-06T01:55:00.000-07:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Hmmm. Can you really know so much about a person just by answering a few questions in a personality test?

happy easter :)

2010-04-05T07:57:00.000-07:00

here's to hope for a brand new beginning :) filled with God's grace and love

Good Friday

2010-04-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

''And as Jesus was going up to Jerusalem,
he took the twelve disciples aside,
and on the way he said to them,
''Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem;
and the Son of man will be delivered
to the chief priests and scribes, and they will condemn him to death,
and deliver him to the Gentiles to be mocked and scourged and crucified,
and he will be raised on the third day.''

(Gospel of Matthew)

Oh Lord, if in falsehood I've lived,
running away from myself and from thee.
Have mercy, oh Lord; have mercy.

Oh Lord, if I've forsaken my friend,
and didn't love him nor open my heart.
Have mercy, oh Lord; have mercy.

Oh Lord, if I have rejected your Love
and through the evil paths wandered astray.
Have mercy,oh Lord; have mercy.

'the curious incident of the dog in the night-time'

2010-04-01T12:34:00.000-07:00

by Mark Haddon which portrays an 'emotionally dissociated mind' of a 15year old boy with Aspergers syndrome.. was a very interesting read.

Sometimes I wish I was emotionally dissociated myself too. Then everything in life would make total sense. Just like maths. Lists, Patterns. And of course, the 'truth'.

2010-03-31T13:40:00.000-07:00

I. HAVE. TO. STOP. SHOPPING.

2010-03-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

'Crash and Burn' by savage garden is being played over and over again on my itunes today..

I get on a 'high' whenever I find a song that I reaaaaaly like :)

brilliant, brilliant song :) brings a smile to my face, a spring to my heart :)

Liverpool, revisited.

2010-03-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

Milkshake with ANY flavour of your choice.. every type of chocolate, fruit, candy, etcetc you name it they have it! :) YUMMY :):):)
Of course going to Liverpool means visiting dearest Noreen :) i've been there in 1st and 3rd year, now 5th year! :)

.. but the place is totally transformed, I'd say. Very modern, and tourist friendly now :)

Thank youuu noreen for a wonderful food-filled, retail therapy weekend! :)

now I'm DOWN. WITH. TWO. SWOLLEN. TONSILS. :(

photography :)

2010-03-27T02:03:00.000-07:00

now i understand why some people can be so into this form of art :)

the EASTER HOLS are HERE! :):):)

2010-03-22T04:57:00.000-07:00

Ok this twilight saga drama is having a twist right now thats creeping me out. Just a tad bit.

SPOILER ALERT AHEAD :

Edward and Bella now have a baby girl called 'Renesmee' (-_- such a strange name), who is, obviously half vampire and half human, Bella died and came back to life as a vampire during her 'gruesome' birthgiving.. and its just becoming more and more errrrr i dont know..'disturbing' to say the least. Oh the part where Bella had to drink gallons of blood during her pregnancy to feed the 'fetus' made me want to puke in my mouth...

But yet I couldn't put the book down. Stephanie Meyer, you're pretty awesome.

2010-03-21T17:08:00.000-07:00

yet another msn convo with mr 'normal' that made me stare at my computer screen and laugh continuously for a good few minutes, yes this is paran's version of my CV ( which i am currently moaning about having to complete, but 'sitting on it' as usual ) :)

PARANormal says (12:08 AM):
MY NAME IS EE PEI LIAN AND I LIKE TO DRAW SNAILS. MY OTHER HOBBIES INCLUDE TWILIGHT AND BEING NICE TO PEOPLE. PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB BECAUSE I LIKE DOING DENTISTRY AND I LOVE MY PATIENT IAN AND HE LOVES ME BACK. SOMETIMES I PLAY BADMINTON BUT THEN I MOAN ABOUT BEING SORE FOR WEEKS. I AM A LOVELY PERSON OVERALL THOUGH.

hahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahaHAHA.

I never screamed this LOUD in my life before.

2010-03-15T01:16:00.000-07:00

Nope, not even when I'm on a rollercoaster in Alton Towers.

''MALAYSIAAAA... BOLEHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''

''LEECHONGWEIIII.. BOLEHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!'' in random intervals throughout the stadium... every time he scored a point, we went mad.

When he hit the final shuttle to beat Mr Japanese guy.. we shrieked like there was NO TOMORROW.

I have never been this patriotic before, or felt this patriotic. Never also did I feel so united with my fellow countrymen who were in the stadium, cheering our 'hero' on..

Its true what they say, sports unites. :) Regardless of whatever issues we have in our home country, it is all forgotten with watching the fighting spirit of a Malaysian on the court, cheering him on.

An experience I will never forget for the rest of my life. What makes it better is that its Chong Wei's FIRST ALL ENGLAND win :) and I was THERE!!!! :):):)

Sth funny happened there that tickles me until now.. the locals behind us who was also watching the match was shouting ''Go JOHN'' instead of ''CHONG'' coz they didnt get his name! HAHAHAH TYPICAL :)

All England Badminton Championships, Birmingham

2010-03-14T00:55:00.000-08:00

the 2nd day of our Badminton FEVER continues.. TODAY!
Lee Chong Wei... I HOPE YOU DO US ( and MALAYSIA) PROUD this afternoon!!!

Cirque du soleil at Trafford Centre :)

2010-03-11T15:55:00.000-08:00

A night of vibrant colour, glorious costumes and jawdropping stunts :) BREATHTAKING! :):):)

A picture paints a thousand words.

2010-03-10T23:51:00.000-08:00

''But I'll see you this way in my head. Pink cheeks. Heartbeat. Two left feet. All of that.''

2010-03-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

Yes the 'twilight' fever strikes again :) Thank you Beet for the generous gift! :):):)

I'm savouring every word, and I'm actually dreading the day I reach the end of this series! Bcoz itll mean no more Edward, Bella and Jacob drama to swooooon over anymore :(

but till then, I'll continue to 'live in this imaginary world' :)

2010-03-03T12:25:00.000-08:00

When the wind is blowing in your face
sometimes in life you don't see straight
Pray to Him
He will show

When your head is in a certain place
Nobody around to make you safe
Stand strong and you will grow

Wait till you see MY smile :)

Wait till they see YOUR smile :)

''You're late''. ''You're stunning'' ''You're forgiven''

2010-02-27T05:26:00.000-08:00

My favouritest quote from the movie 'Pretty Woman' will definitely be this :

Vivien: ''When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often. And I would- I would pretend I was a princess... trapped in a tower by a wicked queen. And then suddenly this knight... on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword. And I would wave. And he would climb up the tower and rescue me. But never in all the time... that I had this dream did the knight say to me, "Come on, baby, I'll put you up in a great condo.''

Wonderfully entertaining movie, which made me cry and laugh at the same time :) Thank you, AYESHA.. YOU WERE RIGHT! This movie's ACE :)

Vivien had the guts to say ''I want the fairytale'', and she got hers in the end..

...but do fairytales really exist in real life?

2010-02-24T16:27:00.000-08:00

5 girls were very happy and satisfied today :) all bcoz of this nasilemak prepared with lovee from me! :)

ahh the joys of cooking :)

2010-02-23T10:50:00.000-08:00

After you put a child through trauma of some sort ( Gail had to sit through a painful palatal injection..she wailed when I put it in, but I kept it there for a good few seconds, slowly injecting till the tissues turned white.. all the while telling myself just DO IT, just DO IT)...

...you wouldn't expect them to show you some love in return.

With tears still in her eyes, and a runny nose.. she got up after I extracted her tooth, and walked to me ( I was busy scribbling in her notes I didnt notice).. and gave me a hug and said 'thank you'.

I am usually quite the 'hugger', but this totally caught me off guard. In a nice way, of course.

:) I like this warm fuzzy feeling :)

2010-02-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

''I've been trying to get my heart to fall into my head''

Chef imported from Reading to 1 Banff Road :)

2010-02-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

First of all,thank youuu my lovely Jianhui for the chocolatess you so thoughtfully brought back for us from your travelss!

I am seriously suffering from one chocolate overdose now >.<..but I'm NOT complaining!!! :)

You know how we usually have to go to chinatown for a decent chinese meal, last night we were fortunate enough to have a chef brought into our house for one of the most yummilicious meals I've ever had!

John went shopping for ingredients whilst I made an attempt to clean our kitchen so he can cook comfortably :) 2hours in the kitchen, he cooked up a proper 'storm'.. fish, pork, malaysian chicken curry, herbal soup, and veg... all TOP quality dishes! :)

a happy tummy makes happy satisfied people.. haha he has a new fan base now in manchester! :)
and yes, nothing pleases me more than gooood food.. that comes with pre-serving 'tasters' and tips on how to cook from the sifu himself ^^

.. ps. NOREEEN, it was nice having you around! glad you had a good night's sleeep :) :) :)

'taking chances' by celine dion

2010-02-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

never has any song spoken to me in such volumes before

don't know much about your life
don't know much about your world but
don't wanna be alone tonight
on this planet they call earth

you don't know about my past and
i don't have a future figured out
and maybe this is going too fast
and maybe its not meant to last

But what do you say to taking chances?
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there is solid ground below
or a hand to hold or hell to pay
what do you say? what do you say?

its been a hell of a week,nothing has been going right.. and i'm frustrated, tired, and demotivated.

Every girl deserves a rose :)

2010-02-14T10:29:00.001-08:00

My besties visited this weekend :) had a wideee spread CNY dinner in Yangsing, strolled in town, and had quality 'friend time'.

Happy Valentines & Chinese New year everyone!! :)

'Special needs'

2010-02-10T01:00:00.000-08:00

when 4 year old Lily came into my surgery with mum she was lying quietly in her pram, and I had my head buried in the notes of my patient before.

I looked up at her mum, said 'hello', introduced myself.. and looked at the little girl in the pram who had her head turned away from me.

In my head I thought, 'oh no.. another one of those dental phobic children. who doesnt even want to look at me bcoz theyre terrified.' This wil be 'fun'.'

Mum said to me, ' How do you want Lil on the chair?'

I was puzzled, didn't understand why Lily couldnt come to the chair herself, and said to mum 'Is she asleep?'

When mum picked her up, she was limp, and my heart dropped into my tummy.

Quickly took the medical forms her mum just filled in.. and saw 'Quadraplegic cerebral palsy with visual impairment.'

The rest of the session was a blur. I have no experience in dealing with kids with special needs whatsoever, so I couldn't even get her to open her mouth for me to do a quick examination.
My tutor came in, and forced her mouth open gently, and had a quick look around.

Said to me after, 'you need to be firm in dealing with these type of children. Or you wont see anything but her 'front teeth'.'

.........

Last patient of the day, was 9year old Thomas who came to Ashton 3months ago for a checkup, and had a whole treatment plan drawn out for him by my colleague, for which I had to carry out.

Medically from the notes previously, fits and faints, epilepsy. Last fit was a week ago.

And then as I read on, it says : patient away for chemotherapy, could not attend.

When Thomas walked into the surgery with his granddad, again my heart dropped to my feet.
He was pale, had a tube coming out from his nose and bald.

I quickly took the medical form from his granddad, and it was written in bold, ' BRAIN TUMOUR' recently diagnosed.

When I was washing my hands, I thought of my friend Julie who died of brain tumour, and I was close to having an emotional breakdown. Forced myself to be cheerful, tried to lighten the mood by laughing and joking with him, but he said to me, 'Its not funny. I don't know why you're laughing' to something random I said.

And then there was this awkward silence, and granddad looked so upset it just breaks my heart. He said to me, ' he just had his 3rd session of chemo'.

Did 2 fissure sealants for him as quickly as I can, for I know the last thing he wants now is MORE dental treatment, and sent him on his way.

....

Life is so cruel and unfair sometimes.

2010-02-01T16:56:00.000-08:00

PARANormal says (12:52 AM):
you're a buccal cusp on a maxillary molar

stressed out PEI says (12:53 AM):
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHAHA
HOWWWWWWWWW

PARANormal says (12:53 AM):
non-functional

stressed out PEI says (12:54 AM):
HAHAHAOHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH

Joke of the night curtesy of paran to end my essay writing frenzy. For now, before more writeups are due.

I know, I know. VERY nerdy. -_-

BUT STILL. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

I AM SO GLAD THIS ESSAY IS OVER AND DONE WITH. ^^

'Bob's your uncle'...

2010-02-01T03:35:00.000-08:00

... isn't a reply you would expect from a tutor after he checks your work. I was fitting in a temporary crown that didn't fit so my tutor was helping me with it.

So when Dr Valentine said to me, 'Right Pei, Bob's your uncle'..

..my immediate reaction was 'Bob's your what?' and I got a shocking UPROAR ( no I'm not exxagerating) from him and Prof Devlin who was standing nearby.

...okay....

when I went to the tutors who were standing around, apparently that was stil the 'joke of the day'. -_-
'What do you reply when someone says that to you, Pei?' You say, 'Fanny's your aunt', they told me.

dot.dot.dot.

Apparently its just a way of saying 'then its sorted' or sth along the lines of that..

I. Don't. Know. I. was. very. confused.

So when I thought the whole mumbojumbo about some 'english joke' that I didnt understand was over, Prof Devlin came over today to check my patient's immediate dentures, and he said..

'Yup Bob's your uncle, Pei.' And walked away with a big smile on his face, leaving my patient laughing her cheeks off on the chair.

The verbal 'diarrhoea' on English expressions continued the whole morning just bcoz it was simply entertaining to see an asian girl looking confused, not understanding anything that was said.

Twas all fun and laughter, I was glad my patient had her front teeth replaced again ( which she was really grateful for :) )...

BUT BOB IS NOT MY UNCLE!!!!

2010-01-25T04:55:00.000-08:00

Mad week ahead.

Another essay due in a week's time :S CLINICs, and MORE CLINICssss.

It really is like one mad race to the end.

2010-01-20T07:24:00.000-08:00

Re: What word do you think is the hardest to pronounce???

I'm an English native, so I have very little trouble with pronunciation. However, it was only around 3 years ago when I finally learned how to pronounce "three" correctly. I had been pronouncing it as "free".

...quoting 'Robbie Durham from England'

I have been receiving endless mockery on clinics for saying 'TREE' instead of 'TH-REE' lately. Its all joke and laughter but I am BUGGED I CANNOT SAY the TH for the life of me!

So whenever I say please pass me the 'composite 'C Tree (3)' , the TREE ( 3 for canine teeth) is exposed.. I think it needs endo..' etc it is another opportunity for either my tutor/ patient/ clinical partner to chuckle to themselves. And my huge reaction ( I am known for my 'reactions' -_-) causes more chaos when they deliberately ask me questions like..

'Pei I forgot whats the number between 2 and 4?'

or..

'Pei that chart says 1, 2, whats the number next to 2 again? I can't read.'

I wish I could say TIGA instead :S

But I could rest assured now, when I googled 'how to pronounce three' the first link that came up brought me to the comment above HAHAHA.

At least I dont say 'FREE' :) and I am not a native English speaker ^^ SO I HAVE AN EXCUSE.

the world in darkness...

2010-01-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

..or at least my world was in darkness (literally) for more than 24hours now.

the whole of Banff Road and Deyne avenue blacked out at 7pm yesterday. we've been nomads ever since, showering in friends houses, the gym etc. n0w i've spent my whole day sitting here in Varsity, wasting my life away... whilst eating TONNES of chocolate fudge cake,(yummy!) hoping and praying they would PLEASE dear GOD pleasee get it fixed as soon as possible.

I want to have my pre-Monday blues in the comforts of my room.. after a nice warm shower smelling nice, listening to some music. :( not here in this place in the midst of sports playing continuously on the screen, and people chatting at the top of their voices drinking big glasses of beer.

Sighhhhh.

Or maybe I'm just PMS-ing. :(

Disappointments

2010-01-14T14:23:00.000-08:00

the higher hopes I put in myself in performing perfect work,the harder I fall whenever the work I do is not even close to perfect.

Ian's teeth is fixed, but with a colour so OFF shade that I feel like tearing it out and starting all over.

It was a super long procedure, and one where I had no clue as to what was going on bcoz I've never done it before. None of the tutors knew what was going on as well, which added stress to my already stressful afternoon, bcoz no one could help me.The consultant who supervised me was arguably the busiest person in the hospital, and waiting for him, with the clock ticking closer and closer to 5.. almost made me lose whatever sense of calm i had to start with when I started the procedure ( which was almost close to none).

When he arrived and took over, I felt like breaking into a sprint, running as far as I can get from the dental hospital. And never coming back again.

Its a pity how I'm feeling this way about a procedure that's supposed to be one of the more rewarding ones in dentistry.

Its Ian's birthday, and even though he was very gracious and happy about the work I'd done
( like he always is about everything)... the perfectionist in me could not bring myself to look at the beautifully shaped teeth with the out of place colour... and I couldnt lift a finger to pat myself on the back for the 'present' I've given him.

Not even when Mr Ashley said 'after this we should light a candle on every tooth we built up and sing Ian a happy birthday song'

I never used to think I was a perfectionist. I thought I've perfected my 'art' of facing disappointments, and setting achievable targets.

But I was wrong.

I wanted it to be so perfect for Ian that when it was less than perfect, I was crushed.

:)

2010-01-12T13:34:00.000-08:00

2010-01-11T13:34:00.000-08:00

Big day coming up on Thursday for Ian.. its his birthday, and I'm doing a composite buildup for all his anterior teeth! ( he doesn't know it yet, it has only been decided today :S)

*anxious MUCH mannnnsss * never done this before :S

2010-01-09T14:00:00.001-08:00

pickpocketed, yet AGAIN. :(

2010-01-06T07:10:00.000-08:00

if anyone would enjoy watching erm people chucking continuous piles of snow at me hahaha watch this :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLzFujZdcmg&feature=player_embedded

freaking hilarious :) one huge ambush manns :S

and WHF getting a taste of his own medicine here :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpa3kiyrNF8&feature=player_embedded

WHITE manchester :)

2010-01-05T14:21:00.000-08:00

I know I've been going on and on about the snoww fall this year.. but you have to forgive my suakuness.. its my 5th year in England, and NEVER before have I seen this MUCH SNOW in manchester.

Had my very first snowball fight this afternoon on Banff Road, everyone from house 1, 12, and 24 came out to throw fiercely compacted snowballs at each other with shrieks and lots of laughter.

SO MUCH FUN. :)

this was what Oxford Road looked like this morning when we got out of the house to go for clinics... :) super pretty!

.. and JianHui my housemate at the entrance of our house welcomed by the 'mini snowman' built by the boys last night. Paran says to me, 'mr snowman knocked! but no one answered BOO YOU'..

... reminds me of the continuous 'thump thump thump on my windowsill at midnight, looking out seeing the 3 boys from no 24 throwing huge snowballs towards our house.

... the walk down oxford road was painfully numbing due to my lousy pair of boots ( which doesn't provide any insulation whatsoever) but worth the pain, becoz it was SUPERly DUPERly pretty!

our university area :)

.. and mr nithianantantantan making an Xrated snowman just outside our house! hahaha :)

Ahh dear Lord thank YOU for letting me experience the beauty of Your creation, with the friends I love :)

NO UNI tomoro! :)

the new and final term begins today

2010-01-04T13:29:00.000-08:00

first and foremost yes I consciously admit that I'm dreaming. But this is one happy hallucination.. Edward telling me not to do anything STUPID ( this is quite vague in the 'peilian world' considering the 'stupidity' gene runs in me >.< )

Ahhh yes. I will try not to fall on my butt for your sake, Edward.

HAHAHAHA which I already did! BIG FAT bruise >.< Where were you, Edward?? I needed some TLC! Especially when that oo che hurt so much boo hoo :(

I sound like one infatuated teenager hahahahahha.

On another note, today I started clinics.. with a sniffly nose, and an irritating cough. Tried so hard not to cough all over my patients, and tried to explain myself when my eyes started tearing uncontrollably.

Touched to be back in the dental setting? certainly NOT >.<

stupid flu.

.. and for the sake of randomness, the view of Wilmslow from Whitworth Park. yup its been VERY white lately.

the most snow downpour I've ever seen in my 4 (plus) years here. :)

*cough cough cough BIG SNEEZE* (reaches out to the box of tissues )

arghh :(

shoes shoes SHOEEEESSSS.

2010-01-03T04:43:00.001-08:00

A girl can only dream.

Sighhh DUNE oh DUNE.. whyyy no sizeeeeeee fiveeeeeeeeeeeee :(

as you can tell I'm currently undergoing one shoe obsession phase.

so severe it is, that I've experienced all sorts of emotions from the second I set my eyes on these 2 pairs whilst browsing online. >.<

love at first sight, followed by anticipation, and excitement...

which led to disappointment, hopelessness and sadness when I found out there was no size.

*sobs* yups, that IS the story of my life.

this was supposed to be my last post of 2009...

2009-12-31T18:09:00.000-08:00

..but bad weather caused the delay!

hahaha or NOT. Geezers the procrastination in every aspect of my life has to STOP because its 2010!

yes, just because. :)

on wednesday, yipei and I took the super early bus to LEEDS to visit Angela!

Ange is our lovely coursemate whose hometown is in Leeds, and we've been wanting to visit her for awhile now.. but never seem to get to it! The snowstorm above was what we experienced on the bus on the way there.. haha it was MADness.

waited for Ange to come pick us up in this lovely cafe we found.. selling yummy sandwiches, apparently the BEST in Leeds! ( its called 'pickles and potter if any of you guys want to check it out)

yes the unique thing about this cafe is that their hens are happy..

.. and their sandwiches superbly yummy! (OMG it rhymes hahaha :) )

we walked around in Victoria Junction afterwards.. the christmas decorations are still up and was breathtakingly beautiful! very similar to the pictures I've seen of shops in Milan :)
..went back to Ange's house for a Vietnamese special noodles soup lunch made by Ange's mum afterwards.

Then we visited 'home' in the UK.. TROPICAL world! Hahah with temperatures reaching 28degrees celcius in the 'man-made jungle'.. it felt like heaven to be out of the BITING cold!
and we found our National flower :) hahaha. we looked abit out of place though with thick winter jackets sweaters and scarfs in the 'rainforest'

.. I'm so gutted we didnt get to see any MEERKATS! :( ange says theyre the highlight of the place *boohoo* :(

after that we stepped back to England, with the superbly freeezing temperatures and icy snow.

haha the background looks like some scene from a horror movie doesnt it??

Last but not least, the HIGHLIGHT of our day!

no this is not just any chinese takeaway food, its special food from Ange's DAD's takeaway.. cooked by her dad himself with LOVE! :)

Thank you Ange, uncle and aunty for making our trip to Leeds so special! :)

wow 3am now. bed time! argh the HUGE steamboat we had for dinner earlier is still undigested. TOO MUCH FOOD. seriously.

1 JANUARY 2010! Time, please stop FLYING.

no more christmas :(

2009-12-28T06:31:00.000-08:00

With my 2 guests leaving Manchester today, and the post-christmas boxing day sale hype all slowly dying down...

.... it is finally sinking into me that my favourite time of the year is over.

No more christmas in the UK. ( if I graduate on time)

*sobs*

It is time to focus on what's important for now. My audittttttttttt :(

christmas lunch at 1 banff road

2009-12-25T11:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas eve this year for me was spent in the kitchen preparing food for our big christmas lunch today at 1 banff road :)

I've never 'worked' so hard in the kitchen ever before, with such a long list of food to prepare for over 20 people!

The menu:

1. 4 roast chickens with roast vegetables
2. double baked potatoes with stuffing
3. crackers with smoked salmon and guacamole
4. christmas peppers on skewers
5. toasted bacon and cheese mini sandwiches
6. Pasta bake

and for desert,

1. mum's special recipe banana cake with chocolate toppings ( picture above)
2. longan jelly ( agar-agar)

starters, guacamole and smoked salmon on crackers :)

and yes, the delightful spread of foood at last :)

QBert helping to carve the chicken to serve

...and happy people eating the food!

I don't have a picture of everyone! so sadd :( i seriously NEED a new camera

Merry Christmas again, everyone. :)

2009-12-24T14:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby Jesus,

It'll soon be the 5th Christmas that I'm celebrating in this foreign land.

Every year when the clock strikes midnight on the 25th of December, I think about the days when I used to go to church with my family, all of us dressed in new clothes, singing Christmas carols whilst enjoying the festive mood.

I used to look forward to opening the presents under the christmas tree after mass, and the hugs and kisses we used to give each other, wishing everyone a very happy Christmas that comes with hope for peace and joy with Your coming.

I miss Christmas back home. I miss it every single year that I'm away. I miss the company of my family, the togetherness that You have blessed us with, the love that You have so generously gave us all.

Dear Lord Jesus,

There is so much I would love to ask from you. ( at first I wrote this as my 'Dear Santa' list.. but I decided its better to write to you :) )

1. Please bless my family and keep them safe, healthy and happy.

2. Please help me to pass my finals on time! I need to graduateee * fingers crosssed*

3. Please help me to become a better person each day, may I grow to be able to love others unselfishly, be generous, kind, and compassionate.

4. Please bless my dearest friends, especially those in the UK.. they are and have been my family here, people I cherish and love very much.

5. Please bless Karina's dad, and her family. Help her dear Lord through this difficult time, to continue trusting in Your grace.

6. Please bless the children in Cambodia, dear Lord, especially those in Kampung Speu. Help them to fight the miseries of poverty, with strength and perseverance.

7. Please may I find the patience and strength to deal with adversities that come my way, that I may never lose sight of living my life the way You taught us to.

Thank You, Lord for blessing me with all the good things life can offer.

Happy birthday, baby Jesus.

prechristmas joys

2009-12-23T12:20:00.000-08:00

thank you, ahngu and londoners for the delightful prechristmas spread! :)

4days in London with my buddies, was well spent :)

Too lazy to even picasa-kan the many pictures I have, so yes the ones your eyes are feasting on right now are the BEST few :)

Winter Wonderland, Hyde Park was so colourful and vibrant.

Another highlight, watching 'Wicked' with PP n Noreen! I *heart* musicals :)

It is going to be a white christmas here in Manchester :) been snowing more than its ever snowed for the 4plus years I'm here.. very pretty! Snow is a nuisance sometimes though.. makes the roads extremely slippery.. I slipped and fell the other day on my bum! Hahaha now the bruise size is as big as a plate :S

Merry christmas, everyone! :) May the coming of our Lord fill you with joy and peace, and renew you with hope for a blessed new year.

2009-12-18T14:33:00.000-08:00

Today I saw a very dear friend's eyes well up with tears as she spoke of her lost friend.

The friend she lost becoz of neglect whilst battling her own battles, her own problems, her own worries.

The friend who thinks she doesnt matter to her.

The friend who doesn't try to understand or forgive her absentmindedness whilst fighting her own battle with a dad who's on the verge of death.

The friend who now gives her the cold shoulder, and distant look whilst she struggles to reach within her heart, and regain her friendship.

Why do we try so hard sometimes?

Within myself I struggle to understand the bitterness of the human heart, the pride that consumes a person which leaves no space for forgiveness and understanding.

Within myself there is a constant battle to not shout out in frustration whenever this friend talks about her with contempt.

Within myself, there are no answers.

24years is just a number. Nothing to indicate my increased understanding of the human heart or behaviour.

But 24 years does make a difference in my acceptance, or ignorance ( either or) of LIFE.

2009-12-15T12:41:00.001-08:00

If the two huge amalgam filling I'm putting in for Ian tomorrow isn't perfect, and ledge-free subgingivally, I'm doomed.

Doomed to MORE comprehensive treatment, and less time to finish it.

Argh seriously this race to the end is madness. I hope I keep my sanity by the end of it all.

The stresses that this course puts on you, is so overwhelming at times.

*sighss*

Happy Birthday, YiPei! :)

2009-12-11T18:23:00.000-08:00

Its only 2hours 30minutes into YiPei's birthday (UK time) but we started her special day with a wonderful laughter-filled celebration :) complete with home made pan mee and 2 cakes! ( a pretty fruit cake and a chocolate tart )

I am SO HAPPY the chocolate tart turned out yumms! :) yipei is the BIGGEST fan of chocolate I know, so the choice of tart/birthday cake for her this year was a TRIPLE chocolate mousse tart.. we specially made for her!

The after dinner/cake sugar rush resulted in bouts of uncontrollable laughter.. all thanks to our mascot DAVIS! :)

pretty boy, no?? :)

yes all the fun was in 1 Banff Road tonight :) thanks to our beloved friend YP!

Thomas decided to join in the 'fun' , awwwh arent they pretty :)

Gosh I am exhausted. 3hours of kneeding dough to make the pan mee from scratch is no joke! Hahaha halfway thru we had to call for HELP :) fingers were aching and arms were sore from all the kneading!
But the effort was all worthwhile seeing the happy laughter and continuous smiles from the birthday girl :)

Happy Birthday, my dearest friend.

May your day be blessed with lots of good things, for you so deserve every bit of it. :)

Another book.. twilight!!! :)

2009-12-10T17:07:00.000-08:00

which came as a total surprise :)

Thank you, again!

2009-12-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

Since my camera officially decided to KO on me.. there will be no visual illustration for this post!

*sobbs*

Anyways, I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to a certain Mr Santa who so kindly posted the story book I've been wanting and waiting to read to me!

YES I AM THE OFFICIAL PROUD OWNER OF A BRAND NEW, CRISP PAGES and NEW PAPER smelling book 'NEW MOON' from the TWILIGHT saga!

I know plenty of twilight NONfans out there will cringe when they hear of this... BUT I SHALL NOT FALL INTO THE PITS of their hate for this love story, neither will I be influenced.

Can't wait to begin this journey of vampires and dramatic love story, with my book.
And of course, decide MYSELF afterwards whether I like it or hate it.

Terima kasih, Santa Claus! :)

2009-12-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

Thank you, for the early surprise Christmas cheer! :)
(now my room feels so christmassy its great :) )

It has been a VERY eventful weekend, house party Fri night, with too much booze and too much drama and SO MUCH FUN! :).. massive cleanup session on Saturday ending with a yummilicious homemade pan mee curtesy of my housemate's friend, and Sunday, a wonderful day spent with a childhood friend whom I havent met in 8 years.. Shu Ying! :)

As you can tell, I am getting lazier.. and lazier. I don't bother taking any photos ( coz my camera is almost nonfunctional.. Dear Santa, I've been GOOD this year, can I have a new Canon IXUS pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee pretty pleasee :) )

... and I'm not bothered to even write.

Blogging is begining to become such a chore.. one that I want to do to keep log of all my current thoughts and happenings.. but SIGH SO LAAAAZAY!

Anyways. I have a mini weekend starting tomoro.. but I NEED TO DO MY AUDIT >.< style="font-weight: bold;">STOP BEING SUCH A PIG.

Arrrrgggghhhhhh.

2009-12-03T14:33:00.000-08:00

... and today the PAINS and STRESSES of dentistry arrived..

*sobs* why can't my happiness last :(

The joys of dentistry :)

2009-12-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

... in Ashton!

Today was my last day in restorative dentistry with Mr Legg ( hahaha he's the tutor I've been going on and on about :) )

Mr Legg is an amazing dentist, always very caring to his patients, good with his hands and the most thoughtful and encouraging tutor I've ever met.

When you screw up, he doesn't look at you with the 'You're so ridiculously hopeless' eyes. Instead he says 'well these things happen', and praises you on the things that you did right, rather than agonize on your failures.

Every Wednesday I look forward to working in the nice and clean community clinic outside Manchester. And never once did I come home feeling like a crap dentist, or wishing that the world would just swallow me up.

Thank you, Mr Legg for letting me experience the joys of doing good dentistry, and for helping me to slowly grow and learn and hopefully achieve it one day.

Thank you also, for the very thoughtfully wrapped christmas gift and card! :)

I hope my marginal ridge amalgam carvings will stay 'magnificent' :) You make me want to perform better every time!

Farah, Sureil, Caroline and I got our dear tutor a set of toothbrush cufflinks as a 'thank you' gift! :)

And here's US with the tutor we all love :)

Undoubtedly I'm sad that this experience has to come to an end so soon..

but look on the bright side, pei! You're going back to Ashton in January for paediatric dentistry! :) No more Mr Legg as my tutor though :(

It was a good day :) lest i forget, and when things go extremely wrong, I hope to remember that there IS joy in dentistry. :)

Never. Go. For. Bums. And. Tums. When. You're. Sick.

2009-11-28T12:32:00.000-08:00

I created a scene today at Sugden when I suddenly collapsed in front of a class of like 50students at least whilst lifting my limbs and stuff during a very intense bums and tums session with a strict but brilliant instructor!

Oh MANSS the embarassment is undescribable.

But I couldnt help my vision field from closing, and my whole body from shutting down. Next thing I knew was I was on the ground, and from a distance a spinning vision of my instructor running towards me.

I was put in some sort of recovery position I think, don't really know what was happening for awhile with my head spinning like that.

Should NOT have went for bums and tums with this flu bug still stuck on me. Couldn't breathe properly even, how did I expect to be able to do that amount of crunches and what nots without enough oxygen going into my head!

HAHAHA I AM STIL FREAKING EMBARASSED LA. seriouslyyy. -_-

2009-11-25T12:21:00.000-08:00

When Mr. Legg walked into the room to say hello to little Amy and Lewis this morning as their mummy was on the chair, I saw their faces lit up like lightbulbs being switched on a dark winter morning.

Lewis said with a bright smile on his face, 'Hello again!'

:) no I'm not exaggerating, its true.

And it warmed my heart, very much so. Its so refreshing to see no fear at all for once, no crying, no kicking, no screaming. Just pure and innocent pleased faces, pleased to see the dentist the children loved.

We deal with so much pain, so much fear on the 'chair' that it is sometimes very discouraging.

Just last week I had to deal with a very emotional patient on my chair. Ian needed 6 teeth extracted on his lower arch alone, due to being extremely broken down.

We have both been dreading the day when it has to be done, and when we actually got down to it, I mustered every bit of courage in me, in order to give Ian the confidence he needed to get thru this trauma.

We were both brave throughout the whole procedure which took abit more than an hour.

Ian joked, I laughed. I joked, Ian laughed. We tried to keep the atmosphere in Oral Surgery as relaxed as possible.

When it was all over, we both had nothing left in us to continue the forced 'cheerfulness'. I fitted Ian's denture, and bade him goodbye. He thanked me, and thanked me again.

Although deep in me I know this extractions will benefit him long term, I couldnt find it in myself to feel the sense of achievement. To feel like I did something good.
Even after Dr. Ali gave me all Excellents for the first time, all I felt was a certain numbness.

Numbness which turned into a deep set sorrow in my heart.

My sorrow deepened when Ian came back the next day, looking so forlorn and traumatised. The stress of it all has built up and consumed him, the stress of his personal problems plus the stress of losing that amount of teeth and having to wear a piece of plastic in his mouth, not being able to eat very well, and the wires digging in constantly.

He apologised countless times for being a 'nuisance'.

I told him he didnt owe me an apology. He had been through a lot.

And felt like crap afterwards for being partly a reason for his discomfort, with good reasons. He wasnt used to wearing a denture, and no new denture wearer will be completely happy with the piece of plastic no matter how perfect. Nothing is better than your own teeth, I always tell my patients.

Ian has been the best patient i had so far, he's such a lovely person.

His visits always results in bouts of laughter from ayesha and myself, tutors wil turn and look at us, asking us if there is a 'party' going on in our bay. Treatment is complicated for his case, he needs lots of work, but he's always so tolerant, always so cheery.

I wonder if its going to be a downhill road from now on.

It depresses me, what dentistry can and cannot do sometimes.

I hope at the end of this long and bumpy road, Ian will get the set of perfectly functional and reasonably aesthetic teeth we have been planning to get him. :)

Focus on the long term, Pei Lian, focus.

to my dearest friend :)

2009-11-24T12:16:00.000-08:00

I hope the 24cupcakes brought birthday cheer to you over the weekend!

Thank you for always being there tua pui pei , you know we love you! :) xoxo

Jimmy choos, anyone?? :)

2009-11-14T08:23:00.001-08:00

Who would wake up early on a Saturday morning to line up outdoors in the cold rainy UK weather to get Jimmy Choos at an 'affordable price'?

Yes note that 'affordable' in this context is VERY subjective :)

Yes Mr Jimmy Choo is a fellow Malaysian and his name is BIG (not even exxagerating! ) over here in the fashion industry.

I've never understood the novelty of it all, to me its just another overpriced brand.. so I decided to tag along and see just how much girls would go through to own her very own 'jimmy choos' :)

Rach, Jian Hui and I left the house 8ish in the morning ( I don't even leave this early to go to clinics OR outreach! ) , and when we reached H&M ( yes Jimmy choos in H&M for a day only hence the hype :) ) there was already a looong queue outside. The store wasnt going to open till 9am hahaha I wonder how long these people have been waiting!

So yes, we joined the queue for 'kicks' ( or rather I did for that reason :))
I was properly amused by the chaos inside the store, the way the girls actually snatched the dresses as soon as it came on the racks HAHAHA it really is madness :)

Didnt plan to get anything, for as 'cheap' as it may be, it still is pretty expensive.. but rach found this really nice and reasonable leggings so YES we all got sucked into it :)

So yes, now I own my very own Jimmy Choos, although not his shoes, but Jimmy Choos nevertherless :)

*post shopping therapy 'high'*

X X X

Last night we celebrated Momo's birthday at Zouk :), and had cake after at Abdullah's place :)

The boys

The girls

and mo's cute catterpillar cake :)

Thursday night's amazing christmas lights :) This will be my last christmas in Manchester, and I look back at many fond memories throughout my 4years (plus) here.

I'm so hungry, bums and tums have totally drained the energy out of me. Hahaha I know, very random. But whats new :)

2009-11-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Fathoom :)

Lord, make me a means of your peace.
When there's doubt and fear, let me sow your faith.
In this world's despair, give me hope in You to share.

Lord, make me a means of your peace.
When there's a sadness here, let me sow Your joy.
When the darkness nears, may Your light dispel our fears.

2009-11-05T23:50:00.000-08:00

I woke up with a start this morning with my patient Mr X in mind, my mind going thru again and again what treatment is to be done for him..planning and re-planning for the zillionth time.

And then my heart started racing thinking about all the 'What if's'.. and the 'What if' that has been bugging me for the longest time is 'what if something bad happens to him' or his family.
I think my bad experience with Mr Taylor who passed away so suddenly, is taking a toll on me mentally.

STOP it, Pei Lian. You CANNOT let dentistry take over your life.

2009-10-27T14:17:00.001-07:00

OOOh yes, the weekend in LONDON was food-filled. :) *surprise surprise?*

The French sure know how to fine dine :)

Well that special afternoon a couple of QMUL-ians, a random Manchesterian and Edinburghian did too :)

2009-10-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

We have come a VERY LONG WAY, Ah Ngu.

Reminiscing those days when birthdays are celebrated with tonnes of laughter, and pranks played on each other.

When a birthday 'cake', is a precious mooncake, a simple cookie, or a Dunkin Doughnut as such.

Times have changed, and so have we.

One thing that lasted and never changed, which brought us through all these years.. is our friendship. And I thank God for that. :)

Happy birthday Helen, may all your dreams come true.

2009-10-20T14:09:00.000-07:00

Today I witnessed the fastest surgical extraction of a lower wisdom tooth. Thus far.

Mr. Hughes took the buried mesially impacted tooth in under just about 2minutes. Cut a flap, drilled bone, elevated the tooth.

whilst humming a lil tune to himself.

I am still in awe. AMAZING. ^^

2009-10-17T01:49:00.000-07:00

I did what I should yesterday, I stood up for myself.

I know that with this person I'm dealing with, old habits die hard. Her 'ITS ALL ABOUT ME' attitude, and willingness to go out of the way to step on my tail, amazes me still.

I guess in the middle of this chaotic situation, I am still blessed.
Blessed with understanding friends who feel for me, and try to cheer me up whenever I feel stressed.

A friend even came up with the most hilarious things to say to her as an excuse for NOT going in to 'nurse' for her..

'Oh sorry I have to go home and feed my fish.'

'Oh I just realised my oven is left on, I need to go home and turn it off.'

etcetc.

HAHAHA which effectively elevated my stress, and made me laugh for quite abit. ^^

Sigh, its going to be ONE HELL OF A YEAR. And its only week 4.

2009-10-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

Mr. Legg said to me today when he read thru my notes at the end of the session,

'Pei. I really like your attention to detail.'

TWICE! ^^

Already, I was super pleased.

Yup, every little bit goes a long way.

Especially when things are crap. Focus on the positive, peilian. Focus.

2009-10-09T03:46:00.000-07:00

I hate myself for not being able to stand up for myself when really necessary.

Even at times where it is blatantly obvious that the other party is bullying me for her own convenience.

Yes, I know there is no such thing as a friendly and lovely world where EVERYONE is UN-selfish, and everyone is UN-calculative, and everyone is basically NICE without hidden intentions.

I guess I just needed a reminder, and I need some 'practice' in dealing with the sort who doesnt give two hoots about you in general. Not that I want people to give me all the care in the world
( bcoz trust me, as naive as I may seem I know it is not all love and kindness everywhere I go), but I sort of expected the person to be at least abit more responsible when it comes to doing her part, as I have done mine.

The obvious reality is that dentistry requires A LOT of people skills.

If your nurse is NOT HAPPY with you, you would be a 'non-functional' dentist.
If your receptionist is NOT HAPPY with you, your patients might not turn up as and when u want them to.
If your patients are NOT HAPPY with you, basically it wont be awhile till..

..you officially 'tutup kedai'.

Anyway, lesson learnt. Lost for words when someone actually is taking advantage of your 'niceness' and 'bulli-ability' RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?? without the slightest SHAME whatsoever?

There is no point in feeling the 'burn' afterwards, like I am feeling now.

I NEED to stand up for myself, bcoz if I don't, nobody will.

x x x

On a brighter note, last night was fab. YiPei and I hopped on to the bus spontaneously after clinics to go to the Trafford Centre, had a nice dinner.. and EXTORTED 24 KRISPY KREMEs from a very nice Mr. Krispy Kreme who lives in Rusholme over the phone afterwards!!!
Came back, entertained ourselves with the doughnuts ( OK that sounds abit wrong but anyway)...

and when I was back in my room I SAW A BOOK LYING ON MY TABLE.

OPENED it, feeling abit baffled, thinking hmm why does this book have my name on it..

and STARTED SCREAMING. ( yes my voice is erm 'quite' loud in case people didnt know! ^^)

OMG ITS A POST POST POST birthday PRESENT from YIPEI containing pictures compiled from our memorable many years here in Manchester, all painstakingly cut out and decorated..HAND MADE! every page was filled with wishes from the people I have grown to love, my Manchester family!

It really is the BEST book I've ever received. =)

My secret personal wish of getting something of this sort for my birthday as a final year remembrance CAME TRUE.

*and its all thanks to you, YiPei!*

My faith in the existence of good unselfish people in this world is restored, once again. ^^

2009-10-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

I love this picture ^^

When Melissa gave me a beautifully written 'birthday card' with this phrase on it,
I didn't quite understand the significance of it.

It is a daily devotion thingy which she found, and she copied down the devotion on the 29th September for me.

And it says..

' Keep on singing though there's none to hear.
Keep on smiling though there's none to cheer.
Keep on ploughing though you've reaped no crops.
Keep on marching if the drummer stops.'

Now I understand. It speaks straight to my heart. Thank you God, for the encouragement to be strong.

And thank you, Melissa for bringing this to me.

Its amazing, the way God speaks.

2009-10-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

The hardest card to write was the one I tried writing today, to be sent to my deceased patient's wife.

I hope I will never have to write too many cards of this kind in the future.

However I do realise that death is an inevitable part of living. We all will go and meet our Heavenly Father one day, whether we are ready or not, or whether our loved ones are prepared to loose us or not.

Was in too much of a shock the other day to describe what happened, but it is the first time in my life that I receive news of death from a grieving loved one.

I was in the Dental Hospital, thinking that I should call my patient in for a review appointment for the dentures I've made for him over the past year, also to review the fillings I've done, becoz he was to be one of my final year case presentation.

So I called him,and his wife answered.

'Hello may I speak to Mr Taylor please? This is Pei calling from the Dental Hospital.'

'silence on the other end of the line.. followed by a loud wail, with heavy sobs.'

(I was shocked beyond words, and I had this sense of foreboding doom.)

'Erm, is this Mrs. Taylor? Are you ok?'

.. more wailing..

at this point I was already freaking out. My peripheries turned cold, and my heart started beating very fast.

'He *sob* died *sob* 3 months ago *sob*'

followed by louder and louder wailing.

I was speechless. Literally STUCK for words.

My mind went blank.

'erm.. Mrs Taylor... u ok?' I managed to squeak. ( what on earth was I thinking, of course she is NOT ok! )

..more sobbing..

I mustered whatever was left in me to say.. 'oh. I'm so sorry. Please look after yourself.'

..and put down the receiver.

I'm such an idiot!

After that, I was in a daze. Went back to clinics, sat on a chair, and stared into space.

Then suddenly it hit me. Mr Taylor is dead. Mr Taylor whom I was seeing for the past year, is not alive anymore. Tears fell down uncontrollably after that.

I have been in the vicious cycle of denial, acceptance, sorrow and everything all over again for the whole day after that. I keep seeing Mr Taylor's face in my head, waiting in the waiting room for me an hour before his appointment ( I swear he is the earliest patient EVERY time to be in the waiting room!).

I keep hearing Mr Taylor complimenting me, and the work I've done for him in constructing him his new dentures. Regardless of the countless times I screwed up, he never once lost patience in me. Neither did he lose faith in me.

I remember feeling very grateful and happy for being appreciated the way he appreciated me, by bringing a little Christmas cheer to me in the form of chocolates and a greeting card.

I remember our countless conversations during appointments, and he used to tell me about how he has to rush home to cook and look after his wife who is immobile. I remember thinking, his wife is one lucky person.

I realise I should not dwell on what has happened and move on with life. I realise I should not let my emotions take over.

But I also realise that this is my first patient, whom I have been treating for an entire year and built a relationship with, that passed away. So it is normal that I feel the way I do?

I managed to squeeze some words out to be written in the card I would send his wife.. never took this long to write something in my life before.

Dear Mrs. Taylor,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

Mr. Taylor was a wonderful patient, always very punctual and encouraging.

My prayers are with you and your family to give you strength through these difficult times.

Do look after yourself, take care. God bless.

Yours sincerely,
Pei Lian Ee
5th year dental student
University of Manchester Dental Hospital

Yes there is nothing much you can say to make a grieving person feel better.

Life can be cruel, but life goes on.

I have this long and hard battle in front of me,and fight it I MUST.

2009-10-03T04:04:00.000-07:00

my patient died and I'm damn upset.

long story short, I've been providing dental treatment to him the whole of last year.

I am shocked, and traumatised.

I don't know how to deal with news of death. Not at all.

2009-09-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

God has blessed me in so many ways in my life. For 5 years I have been blessed with great friends, my manchester family.. the family I have away from home.

A special thank you to Rach, Mingwei, Yipei, Jian Hui, Ai Ling, Abdullah, Farah, Kang Loon, Wani and Ida for the wonderful coffee maker turned speakers ( they are the coolest EVER speakers I have ever owned!)

Thank you, WengHong, Paran and Mo for the webcam! ( i was really pleased to know that you've remembered that I didnt have a webcam previously, and bought me one just so that I can speak to my parents more often and they can see me! )^^

Thank you, Cass for the lovely doodlebook ^^ now i can doodle more 'artistically' when I'm bored.. rather than scribbling all over my notes!

Thank you, Melissa for treating me lunch, and the lovely poem and hymn =) you help me keep my faith in God, my dear sister in Christ.

Thank you, Charles and KangLoon my new found kind friends! The gifts and cards was unexpected, but of course I am pleased! and grateful ^^

Thank you my dearest pa, and mummy, who sent me a text wishing me happiness every minute of my life.

Thank you, Adrian for your yearly effort to visit me on my birthday! =)

Thank you, my bffs Helen n PP, for coming all the way from London and Edin, just to spend a 'birthday weekend' with me!

It may be the last birthday I'll be celebrating in Manchester, but it was certainly another unforgettable one.

Thank you, everyone. Love you guys muchie! xoxo

On another note, today was my first day at Ashton Outreach centre.. and boyy was I impressed with the facilities we have there! Digital radiography, excellent sterilising facilities,state-of-the-art dental chairs, intercom facilities, qualified dental nurses.. a dynamic community oral health promotion team.. you name it they have it! And they're blardy damn good at what they do too, apparently!

It still feels abit surreal, coming back to the UK to do dentistry, when not long ago.. i was in Cambodia, doing basic dentistry with basic equipment! The VAST difference between countries in terms of facilities, manpower basically EVERYTHING dental related just hit me in the face quite hard.

Yes I've done 4years of Dentistry, why the surprise now??

I guess becoz when we had this talk about 'inequality' in the type of treatment provided to various community 'classes' in the UK this morning.. I had flashbacks of the children in Kampung Speu.

Manns speak about inequality.. and human rights to gold standard 'healthcare'??

After which I had this strong urge to contribute to my own country's oral healthcare system.. hahaha speak about ambition!

I think it was a spur at the moment thought bcoz the team was really impressive in terms of their oral health promotion strategies and efficiency. The team leader who spoke to us was so motivated, I could tell she really believed that we could make a difference as health care professionals.. it was contagious!

Anyways, pictures from my amazing experience in Cambodia is loooong overdue! Here are a few =)

these kids in the orphanage we visited was cutting coconuts from their tree for us to quench our thirst ^^

this orphanage was as basic as anything that I've ever seen in my life

the kids in Kampung Speu childcare centre was much more priviledged, this is where they live

uncle sunny's impressive effort to educate the youngsters in the centre to be young entrepreneurs by buying them veggie seeds to plant and look after, after which the harvest is sold to get some money.they have cows too! and rabbits as pets =)

a fraction of the loveable kids, on our last night there. Yes we dentists inflict pain occasionally, but children hold no grudge. They even thanked us profusely, they had so much love to give, and want so much love in return, its heart breaking

hahaha and of course the unforgettable nerve wrecking 'oral health promotion' talk in front of almost 100students from the college nearby.. which we didnt even prepare for! yes spontaneity is the best policy ( or not) haha

i will always remember 'coconut hair girl' and her daily tight hugs that she gives whenever she sees us walking pass

and of course, our lovely helpers/ dental nurses/ friends from the centre! we bonded, over patients screaming with tears, and 'stubborn teeth and roots' that refuse to come out.

No this is not a colgate advert!

and yes, I cannot begin to even describe what an AMAZING experience doing dentistry in Cambodia was.. something I will never forget for the rest of my life!

I am OLD-er today.

2009-09-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

I hope that with age comes maturity and good sense this year!

thankyou everyone, for all the lovely wishes and gifts. ^^

Making decisions

2009-09-28T09:13:00.001-07:00

today the fact that i am actually in my final year hit me hard in the face.
so many decisions that will determine the path in front of me this coming 9months, i have to make.

and it hit me harder to know that whatever decision i make, it is entirely my own. Yes, my tutors are there to give me advice when I need some, but at the end of the day, the consequences of the path I've chosen will be on me alone.

my 'potential final year case presentation' is so complicated, that four different tutors (including one consultant) are not encouraging me to take it on.

but today i met the consultant who first saw this patient, and he was positive about treating this case, regardless. I voiced my concerns about not being able to finish it in time for my final case sign-up, but he reassured me that ' well, it is a learning experience. it is very complicated, yes, but you'll learn loads out of this.'

' ..but what if i can't finish?'

'.. you can always write it up as your 2nd case.. i don't see why not..'

should I be realistic, or idealistic?

the realist in me, strongly feels that this is something beyond my capabilities. this lack-of-self confidence, and realising the dire shortage of time for such an extensive treatment... pushes me close to the path of 'giving it up' before starting, and not risk messing it up in the future ( which I probably will).

however the idealist in dr X (my consultant) feels that i should take it as a challenge, regardless of the time constraint. He was so encouraging about it, and it makes me feel like crap to not have the confidence to actually 'take the risk'.. and 'jump into it'.
When I saw him he even asked my colleagues in the room, 'is she always this timid?? I don't think so, right??' with a big and kind smile on his face, whilst patting my back as i left the surgery..looking worried about what's coming next in my uncertain future.

Sighhh. At the end of the day this decision is mine, and mine alone.

If i decide to undertake this now, there is no turning back. In dentistry, things can go wrong so easily, and I have a dateline to meet. Should I listen to the realist in me, and look for a more 'do-able' case instead? ( keeping in mind that time is running short and that 'case' might not come?)

Or should I just take a leap into this complicated scenario set up for me, mustering as much confidence as I can to help me along the way? Should I just push back all the doubts that are creeping and crawling into me every single time?

I don't want to make a decision I will regret.

Which path should i take? Oh help me God, my final year nightmare is here.

6 words :

2009-09-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

I am BACK in this 'shithole'.

2009-09-16T02:40:00.000-07:00

2 days before I get on the plane and go back to that 'shithole' as rach puts it =(

Sighhh I'm trying so very hard not to depress myself further by the thoughts of final year..

but the looming days filled with countless worries disturb me even in my sleep.

Arghhh. =S

Looking forward to my sis coming back from Sabah tomoro though! =)

Haha I know. This is a very short and pointless post. ^^

hello folks! sorry for the lack of creativity when it comes to title-ing my posts =)

2009-09-10T01:03:00.000-07:00

I've been intending to blog my head away but every time i open this page i have one million and one reasons to look at it and close it again, saying aah.another day la.

partly becoz i don't have the pictures from cambodia.. i had it but i stupidly left it in a friend's place in KL before heading happily for HOME..

and of course the ever-usable reason of LAZINESSS.. the root of ALL evil. =_=

the conversation i had with my friend on msn reminded me of how I am about to reach the 'old-ripe-age' of 24 (O-M-G) and still havent achieved anything that I can truly be proud of.. how-now-purple-bougainvillae!!! ^^ ( don't ask me why how where this phrase came from.. I KNOW IT DOESN'T RHYME! haha )

Hahaha anyways, I decided TODAY I would stop being such a slug ( I wonder how long this resolution will last ) and post a few piccies up!

Of course,becoz I am HOME, it will be HOME-related ^^

yummilicious penang famous coconut jelly ( haha I didn't even know about it but apparently this stuff made the newspapers ^^) brought to us by dollie's tireless driving around penang's madd traffic and madly confusing roads trying to find the shop, all the while with us praying in the car that the shop will not be closed..hahaha phewww and it was not =) thx dollie!

this time around I have seriously been coconut-overdosed.. especially in cambodia, where we tried almost every type of coconut available! From very young to medium young to old and durian icecream in coconut hahaha you name it we've had it!

But i still *heart* coconuts.. there's nothing more refreshing in this super hot tropical weather! =)

after which we drove to Batu Feringghi to have our annual relax-by the beach whilst playing some beach games =) funnn as always!!

also had a get-together with my ex-convent schoolmates (plus hsbm-ers) in Autocity.. met some people that I havent seen since F5! not forgetting enjoying the mamakstyle teh tarik and roti canai.. ahhhh I've missed that so much! ^^

another important meet-up with my ex-piano teacher, teacher PAULINEEE! OMG I havent seen her since F3, after I stopped my piano classes,we lost contact ever since! Twas really nice being able to catch up and reminisce the old days.. and teacher still looks as young as ever!

Not forgetting spending some quality time with my ol'paps.. who showed me the bird-lings (whatever you call them) who built a nest amongst his bamboo tree in our garden, and whom he has been watching from egg-stage until they were able to fly!!! (too bad i was only able to see the pictures of those cutesies.. they flew away to live their independent lives just before I came home!) but I can tell papa enjoyed seeing them grow from all his stories ^^

arent they cute! ^^

and of course, spent some quality time baking creampuffs with mummy.. they turned out great! hahaha of course abit of mother-daughter bickering was necessary^^ mummy as usual wanted the measurements, methods to be perfect, whilst I was just wasn't that bothered about minute details! In the end her meticulous-ness proved necessary, for if not.. the puffs wouldnt be as pufffy as they were!!

Sighs I REALLY DON'T WANT SUMMER TO BE OVER. =( 9 more days to Manchester, and the dreaded countdown begins..

*sobs*

I am HOME, yet again.. after a year. =)

2009-08-20T01:12:00.001-07:00

Oh yes. I have been playing the 'disappearing act' for more than 2 weeks now.

My long journey home to Malaysia was undoubtedly one of the most tiring ones I've been through, travelling enroute..

Manchester--> Bristol --> London paddington --> London Heathrow--> Dubai--> Bandar Seri Begawan --> Kuala Lumpur ( for almost 24hours),

catching my breath in KL for just abit over 24hours,

after which i got onto the plane again and jetted off to Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

All the tiredness accumulated from my 'excessive' flying, somehow dissipated with the unforgettable experience and love brought to me by the orphans and underpriviledged children in Kampung Speu, Cambodia.

Siem Reap too brought memories that will forever put a smile on my face. When I think of Kung, Som and Dot, our 3 cambodian tourguides/tuktuk driver/ 'entertainment providers' with stories of their very simple lives, I hope to be reminded of how blessed I am.

So MUCH dentistry was done, so MUCH laughter we shared.. and most importantly so many important lessons in life was learnt!

The people of Cambodia truly captivated my heart.

ps. photos will hopefully be uploaded soon! With the internet connection back home, there's no certainty to that =) but anyways.

I WANT MY SUMMER TO LAST LONGERRRR!! Puhleaseeeeee ^^

SUMMER what-nots

2009-07-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

Yes the long-awaited summer holidays has begun.. AT LAST!! ^^

A nice long weekend in Edinburgh with my dearest friend pp was how I spent my first few days of freedom from clinics.. and it was relaxing with a 'wee' bit of indulgences here n there! ^^

Hahaha of course.. indulgences meaning shopping ( this year's summer sales = amazing) and MORE shopping!

with 4th year now done and dusted, I wonder if I've learnt enough, or rather, if I've learnt anything at all this entire year.

If there's anything I'll miss dearly, its paediatric dentistry in Wythenshawe.

My wonderful nurse ( whom I've been going on about in my previous posts if you remember) now has a face ^^ I will miss you dearly, margaret. To show my appreciation I made 'thank you' cards for dr prasad and her! ^^

And yes, surgery TWO.. where we work every alternate tuesdays treating kiddies!

Cass also recently graduated.. now she's DR CASSANDRA NG!
Went to watch her graduation.. I can see her parents beaming with pride from afar.. I want to graduate too! But even the thought of my finals makes my stomach feel like mashed potatoes >.< I have a very STEEP hill to climb before achieving my degree.. and I have a feeling its going to be one very thorny one.
I need to be optimistic.. I WANT TO GRADUATE!!

This post is beginning to sound like a long report >.<

But anyways, before the summer holidays began.. us 'dentistry people' wanted to wish the summer babies Ailing and Mingwei A HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, so we threw them a surprise party!

And for the first time in a very long time it actually worked.

They were genuinely surprised. Heheh ^^

2009-07-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

Saturday was spent strolling around the national park 'Alderley Edge' in Chesire, it was a wonderful but short getaway from the hustle and bustle of Manchester!

The forest we walked through were amazingly beautiful ^^ big rach's camera captured it best =)

yes clinics may be depressing but I guess there is always the weekends to look forward to =)

I can't wait for the summer holidays!

Have a wonderful week, peeps ^^ *toodless*

2009-07-02T02:33:00.000-07:00

PeiPei, Helen, BeeTee and Yiyian brought cheer to manchester for me when they visited last weekend ^^

And until now the void they left is still felt. =(

The void that is to be filled with lots of depressing dentistry and shopping. Also the crazy heat and 'sunshine that gets in your eyes' at the wee hours of the morning.

Never in my life I thought I would say this.. but summer can turn you into an insomniac -_-

*sighss* I miss my friends.

2009-06-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

The heart is weary
The mind wants relief

I am so sick and tired of it all.
After exams, so WHAT? The burden only increases, the weight escalates.

Trust in God, PeiLian. You need to hold on.

The long and thorn-filled road ahead awaits.

OMG. Am I officially entering my FINAL YEAR?

2009-06-20T04:25:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaa *scared*

Yes I was too busy chilling and doing nothing right after my exams.. *goshh has it really been 2 whole weeks now*.. that I'm too lazy to even post anything here..

But yes, good news is that I PASSED my 4th year final exams, WOOHOO!! ^^

Bad news is that I still have as many clinics to attend as before.. therefore nope, not jetting off back home just yet.. still a month or so to go looking at people's teeth, day in, day out. =S

Doesnt help that my first molar endo is on a WISDOM tooth.. sighhs. Talk about the grieve it is causing me. -_-

Ah wells. Its still nice to be able to come home every day and NOT having to study or do assignments etc. Heheh.. all I do nowadays is either curl up in bed with a nice story book, watch stuff and EAT.

AAAAAARRGGGGH. That explains the 'unexplainable weight-gain'. ARRRRGHH.

Hmm whats for dinner tonight.. sushi?? Nasi Lemak? *yumms*

2009-05-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

OMG DIVERSITY WON TONIGHT, YAYYYYY!!!!!^^

Still feeling the 'magic' the group of diversed dancers brought onto the show that I've been loyally following every night leading up to tonight's FINALS.. Britain's Got Talent!!

*ahhhhhh I am so full of admiration for that amazingly creative routine so perfectly executed*

Was falling off the edge of my seat earlier on... OMG never in my life I wanted a group/singer/entertainer to win so badly!!

Heheh a WELL-DESERVED win ^^

*amazing what impact live reality shows has on me >.<... aaaah especially when I should really be studying!!!*

Happy Birthday, PA =)

2009-05-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

I am thinking of you from miles away on your special day, pa.

I miss the regular laughter PT, PW and I used to share making fun of your daily 'trips' to the night market to buy FOOD. I miss hearing the sound of your old motorbike from afar, and hearing the opening of the creaky gate of our house when you come home from work.

I miss the sight of you sleeping on the floor, snoring away with an opened newspaper on your big belly. I miss your early morning trips to my room, trying to get lazy me out of bed.

Because I shouldn't be sleeping my life away, you always say. Time is not to be wasted. ( I must have inherited the sleeping genes from mummy ^^)

Most of all, I just miss being able to tell you all my 'grandmother' stories, with you as my silent but number one listener. Heh with an occasional grunt now and again. ^^

Happy Birthday, Pa. My prayers has always been for you to lead a happy and healthy life. *hugss*

Your daughter, PeiLian xxx

2009-05-23T02:03:00.000-07:00

3days to my 4th year MCQ Med n Surg final exams.

I have never felt so unprepared, and yet here I am finding 101 reasons to procrastinate on the PILE of notes staring back at me on my table.

Yesterday Dave came in to get his final immediate dentures after I extracted his tooth.. and the lower one didnt fit!!

My tutor dislikes him, and was helping me adjust the dentures VERY unhappily. I don't know why Dave pisses Dr. Feldman off so much, but anyway. It was almost like 2 old men scowling at each other, in a very forced 'polite' kind of way.

Me, stuck in the middle. Not a very nice feeling trust me.

>.< Frustrated, and exhausted now.

I hate this time of the year. It just makes everything more stressful, everyone more pissy, and every little thing that goes wrong feel BIG.

It just makes me feel like crap.

2009-05-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

Baiklah.

Dari saat saya menge-'upload'-kan gambar ini saya sudah berjanji dengan diri saya sendiri bahawa tidak dalam seribu tahun akan ku menyimpan perasaan dendam dan benci terhadap sesuatu yang telah berada di sisiku di sepanjang 3tahun perjalanan hidupku.

Tidak, kek pisang itu bukanlah 'temanku' selama ini.

Salah, bukan pisau kek itu jugak.

Apakah salahmu untukku membenci mu, oh kaca mataku?

Apakah tidak ku mengerti pengorbananmu, jasamu dalam membantu diriku yang separuh buta ini melihat gigi di mulut pesakit-pesakit ku?

Apakah tidak ku menyedari ketidakselesaan yang dirasai semasa ku memakaimu bukan salah mu semata-mata?

Apakah diriku seperti kacang lupakan kulit?

Oh kaca mataku, kembalilah ke sisiku. Di manakah dikau pergi? Pergi meninggalkan tuan mu yang sangat merinduimu?

Tiada yang boleh mengganti tempat mu.

Oh, kaca mataku.

Hahahahaha OK I am officially a nut-case now. >.<