Making decisions

today the fact that i am actually in my final year hit me hard in the face.
so many decisions that will determine the path in front of me this coming 9months, i have to make.

and it hit me harder to know that whatever decision i make, it is entirely my own. Yes, my tutors are there to give me advice when I need some, but at the end of the day, the consequences of the path I've chosen will be on me alone.


my 'potential final year case presentation' is so complicated, that four different tutors (including one consultant) are not encouraging me to take it on.

but today i met the consultant who first saw this patient, and he was positive about treating this case, regardless. I voiced my concerns about not being able to finish it in time for my final case sign-up, but he reassured me that ' well, it is a learning experience. it is very complicated, yes, but you'll learn loads out of this.'

' ..but what if i can't finish?'

'.. you can always write it up as your 2nd case.. i don't see why not..'

should I be realistic, or idealistic?

the realist in me, strongly feels that this is something beyond my capabilities. this lack-of-self confidence, and realising the dire shortage of time for such an extensive treatment... pushes me close to the path of 'giving it up' before starting, and not risk messing it up in the future ( which I probably will).


however the idealist in dr X (my consultant) feels that i should take it as a challenge, regardless of the time constraint. He was so encouraging about it, and it makes me feel like crap to not have the confidence to actually 'take the risk'.. and 'jump into it'.
When I saw him he even asked my colleagues in the room, 'is she always this timid?? I don't think so, right??' with a big and kind smile on his face, whilst patting my back as i left the surgery..looking worried about what's coming next in my uncertain future.

Sighhh. At the end of the day this decision is mine, and mine alone.

If i decide to undertake this now, there is no turning back. In dentistry, things can go wrong so easily, and I have a dateline to meet. Should I listen to the realist in me, and look for a more 'do-able' case instead? ( keeping in mind that time is running short and that 'case' might not come?)

Or should I just take a leap into this complicated scenario set up for me, mustering as much confidence as I can to help me along the way? Should I just push back all the doubts that are creeping and crawling into me every single time?


I don't want to make a decision I will regret.

Which path should i take? Oh help me God, my final year nightmare is here.