Reading 'Captivating' tonight in the quietness of my room, struck my heart in a way that could not be explained.

Part of the reason women are so tired is because we are spending so much energy trying to 'keep it together'. So much energy devoted to suppressing the pain and keeping a good appearance.

" I am going to harden my heart."

" I'm gonna swallow my tears."

This is driven by fear that the pain will overwhelm us. Its an understandable fear- but it is no more true than the fear we had of the dark as children.

Let the tears come. Get alone, get to your car or your bedroom or the shower and let the tears come. It is the only thing to do for your woundedness. Allow yourself to feel again. And you will feel many things.


I feel as though I can't cry anymore. No more tears left? No grief, no worries, life is going on really well there's nothing to cry about?

Or is there pain, somewhere deep within me, the pain of rejection, betrayal and a lost of trust? All buried deep, so that I won't FEEL?

But there's always this pressing feeling in the heart with all these burdens. Nothing that comforts, nothing to soothe. No tears left.

I want to be able to cry as freely as I was able to not so long ago.

Its confusing, to grow up, being told that crying is not for big girls, only babies cry.
No one likes to see you cry. No one wants to deal with your sorrow. No one cares for your tears.

And then there are people who come to you and say, crying does NOT do anything for you. It just makes you look weak. And people call you EMO. Some say you cry for sympathy.

So I made myself believe, that this is all true.


Not allowing yourself to grieve over a relationship lost, a friendship broken, a family member on the verge of sinking into the pits, the loss of a loved one, is an accumulated feeling.

Not allowing yourself to cry over things that matter much to you, is a good first line of defence.
If this can't hurt me, nothing else will.

But when the lava of this volcano accumulates beyond its capacity, its bound to explode.

Sooner or later.