Are there any words good enough to comfort, to ease the pain that people important to me are going through?

How much of the other person's cross can I carry?


It crushes me to see people grieve, to see their hearts broken over and over again, to see the peace and joy that they once had, leave.

The source of pain, I think, in every human's life, is love.

But does it mean that when we are hurt, when we are crushed, when we are disappointed, that we stop loving? That we start to only have love for ourselves, and no one else, in order to avoid being hurt again?

How do we choose who we love? How, do we know if the person is worthy of our love?

What is love?

I have seen people love in so many ways.

Some, give gifts. Others, speak words of affection. Many, through actions.
Continuous perseverance, endless prayers for the person.

But when the love is reciprocated with hate, or contempt, is there room for forgiveness?


Everything said, though, love, in its imperfection, is what keeps us alive.

The leap of joy, the mushy squeezed sensation, the 'fullness' the heart cannot contain, the dagger of pain, the continuous bleeding after, and the wound which never heals.

All these, makes us human.

To a friend, once lost.

You walked away so suddenly one day, leaving us with so many questions, unanswered.

At first, I was mad. How could you? What was there in that land, more friends? Real happiness? More than what we offer you?

Then I was sad. What happened? Did we say things to hurt you? Did we not show that we cared for you? Do you have problems that you can't solve?

After which came regret. I should have shown more care. I could have spent more time with you. I should have asked if you needed to talk. I could make you feel like I was there, if you needed someone. I should have not been so preoccupied with my own life that I forget.


Now comes worry. I worry that you're not coping well with your new life. I worry about you.

And then, suddenly it hits me.

I blame you for walking away, for being irresponsible, for not caring anymore.
But really, all I'm feeling is, the loss of a friend I once had.

I have my regrets, and my worries.
But deep within me, I know there is not much I can do. You made a decision, and its time I learnt to accept it, and question no more. I need to learn to accept, that you have your reasons. And whatever those reasons are, it is not up to me to judge you.

All I want to know, dear friend, is that I haven't really lost you.

Do we live in a world of superficiality?

Where beauty matters, if nothing else?

I have always been a strong believer in the importance of character. No amount of beauty, I feel, would bring a person far enough in life.

When I was young and nothing else mattered but my Enid Blyton books, I used to get pretty mad at mum for asking me to dress up when we're going out. For I don't see the point, and the easier and lazier way out is to just walk out in that comfy pair of shorts and faded tshirt I have on.

But mum always argues, there is nothing more important than to look presentable in public. People will look at you different, she says.

You might think it is shallow thinking, but you would have to admit, in this world that we're living in, like it or not, people do judge by the way we carry ourselves. The way we look.

But what pisses me off so much, is that this certain accepted 'beauty' that some people have brings them much further than their counterparts, which has 'less' in that sense, but much more, character wise.

What justifies a second chance for the 'prettier' one even though her character is disgustingly fake?

Sorry, I'm abit emofied after watching the latest episode of Malaysiandreamgirl.
HAHAHA yes. Hence reason 101 for procrastination.

I had the most depressing dream ever, last night.

Does our minds translate our worries to our dreams when we sleep?

Denial has always been my way of coping with crappy stuff. But it haunts me when I sleep.

=(

I was meaning to blog about the makeover Meilin n I had last Saturday in Primark,

but I decided I shall just ciplak and give you guys the link to her blog.

Why?

Bcoz..

I am too lazy + Meilin is much better in writing than me. Heheh.

PLUS. She even made a slide show of the pictures we took! ( who can do better than that =) )


And AGAIN, I can't believe you saved the conversation we had on msn ages ago, Meilin!

Hahahahaha. =)

So here it is, folks : A dressing game to remember.

http://summerstarlin.blogspot.com/

I bought those cute white polkadot peektoes I picked out for Meilin!

And then went alil crazy with my polkadot fetish. Ended up with a blue n white polkadot bag, and a colourful polkadot tube top!


lalala... =)

I had the most amazing day! =)

OOh, before that.

In case you guys were wondering what's with the yellow chick (see below)?

...and where are the usual Easter bunny n eggs?

Well I guess the commercial market decided they had to give the other animals of the animal kingdom a chance too. =)

Hence the COW and the DUCKS.

No kidding. I saw these in Mark n Spencers Easter Specials section. Cute, no? *grins*

So. Today, I spent my afternoon in Karina's house, eating my heart out, singing our throats dry, and playing my favourite game of all time ~'Treasure Hunt'! (egg hunt actually hehe ) =)

( pic : cards I made for the fraternas, and Easter egg gift from 2lovely people )

My Easter has never been better. =)

With loads of good food,

Entertainment..

.. and true friends who share the joy and hope that Easter brings...

... can I even ask for more?

I have laughed and smiled so much today it is almost surreal. I experienced this joy that irradiates straight from the heart, not one that is 'put' on for the world to see. This goodness that surrounds me, when the selfishness and insincerity of people suffocates at times, is a true blessing.

It is today as well, that I found the joy in knowing that my prayers for a dear friend of mine, has been answered. OMG I was literally jumping for JOY! =) I am so very happy for her.

" When God closes a door, he opens a window." I am so glad I'm witnessing a living proof to this.

As for me, yes, so much more to ask..

...but so much has been answered. =)

There is this hope and joy in me this snowy Easter morning.

=)

Happy Easter, peeps!

I am so into World War 2 now after the conversation with Charles yesterday.

HAHAHA next thing on my list : Get a book on the autobiography of Adolf Hitler or sth.

My curiosity about this guy is at the tops now. Especially after hearing all those stories about the great massacre. And how he incarcinerated the Jews, stripping them off everything before killing them like animals, even their precious hair. Sent the hair to some place to make cloth out of it sumore.


Eeeeewww. Sicko.


Oh for those of you who are interested to know, I have finished reading my 'the other boleyn girl' book ages ago! Heheh and it was a good read, the movie was disappointing nevertherless.
Ooo nothing excites me more than a juicy read especially when there are elements of history entwined with it. Makes me feel like I'm transported back to those times, where girls wear elaborate gowns, and life in the palace with all its glitter fascinates me.

Heheh which is why I loveeey my books =)

Nothing overwhelms me more than to be in front of the Father, feeling His presence, knowing that He is there and He is listening.

So much has been lifted up in prayer the whole of this month. So much that I've asked for myself, have been granted. I wonder if the people I prayed for felt His blessings. For there were many that I fervently remembered in prayer, time and time again.

It is difficult at times not to doubt that prayer does anything at all, especially when in times of hopelessness and despair. Where is God in these times? Is He really listening? Is He there by my side, when I feel like I'm facing the biggest challenge of my life?

But I have never felt alone, He is always there. A quiet and peaceful presence, but there, nevertherless. It is when I forget that He is there, that I start to panic, and I start to lose faith in myself. It took me 22 years of my life, to come to realise, and to admit this.

People always say, religion is for the weak in soul. On the contrary. I believe it takes alot to stand up for what you believe, living in this world of scientific Gods. When people question your faith, is there a logical explanation? Is there anything to justify yourself besides knowing deep within that it is an experience not easily described? That God is a person present beyond human sight? Sceptics would say, humans make God up, because there is this human need for something superior to turn to when we are desperate. We imagine voices, we claim we see supernatural things.

I used to be very disturbed by these thoughts.Am I lost? Am I one of those people, desperately wanting something 'great' to happen to me, because every single day of my life, I wake up to feel nothing more than ordinary?

How do I know, that when God speaks to me, it is Him, and not my own inner voice?

How do I feel His presence? And know it is Him for sure? And again, not my own imagination?

The journey of getting to know Him and feeling His presence, is no doubt, one of the most difficult ones. But it is one that gives me hope, that gives me the reason to do good. To live my life the best I can, with the people I love. To think, the way I think.


I've always found it really difficult to talk about my faith. For fear, that I would be questioned. For fear, that I would be ridiculed. For fear, that I would be judged. For fear, that I would not be accepted.

It is an uphill journey, but to me, a journey worth living.

The greatest gift my parents gave to me, ever since I was born, is my faith.

I've been watching David Archuleta sing on American Idol again and again I swear my eyes are going to pop out. >_<

Its the Lord's last supper today, and tommorow it'll be Good Friday.

After which on Sunday, Lent is officially over. EASTER! =)

ps. Thank you Xian =) *hugss*

In spite of all our hopes, dreams and efforts, change is real and forever.

People change. How many freaking times do I have to remind myself of this?

I still can't help feeling the disappointment. I want that person back pleaseee =(

The holidays are here..

..and suddenly I am reminded of my cute little French friend from the Ski Resort in La Plagne.

My failing memory ( yes at this age I am already senile ) refuses to remind me of her name.

And it frustrates me so, I've been trying to get it figured out for more than a day already.

I'm suspecting I suffer from Alzheimers.

Or maybe its just proof that I'm care de pescado. I am a fish with a fish brain hence a fish memory.( how come the poor fishes are always perceived to be the less intelligent of the whole animal kingdom *squiggly grunt*)

She followed me on her skis one fine day when the only thing I knew how to do was to fall to stop speeding. With my butt felt like it was splitting into 2 and my joints were about to be dislocated, I barely noticed the small girl who's about less than half the size of me skiing at a close approximity.

So yes, when I decided I had enough for the day, she came to me and tried to teach me how to ski. Haha I am no ballerina on my ski's thats for sure. It was literally like a Fox and a Monkey trying to communicate, what do you expect, she's French, I'm Malaysian(obviously!) And the rest was history. I seem to bump into her everywhere!

I miss that cute little smiley adorable kid, I really do!

And I miss La Plagne. =(

Look at Noreen DANCE! =)
I'm glad I went to cheer her on, she did well! *pats noreen on the back* =)

It was a night of much colour and culture, as is all Malaysian events, for we are a colourful nation! =)

Here are a few pictures to sum up my weekend =)

Ok I know its all very random, but in summary : a liverpool bus very cool-ly painted, mum dragging son to go shopping in chesireoaks,one of the very many signboards so that we wont get lost shopping, information on our approximate distance to fashion capitals of the world in case we decide chesire oak shopping is insufficient,egg tarts i bought from manchester yumms, noodles in a cute box for lunch on saturday and lastly the beatles gallery artistic poster i saw.

Phew. =)

The Easter holidays has started, and this time around I'll be stuck in rainy Manchester.

BOOHOO =(

So yes, expect to see me HERE more. =)

omg im so sleepy its only 1am. i really really need to learn how to sleep less.

liverpool has been kind with its weather this morning, but the journey back from chesire oaks was horrifying.

stupid rainy windy gloomy UK.


I went shopping in chesire oaks for more than 6hours nonstop! Hahaha yupp =) quite productive i guess ~ bought 3tops 1pants 1belt 2earrings 1cutecup 1kg apricots 1kg pistachios 500gbombaymix for 45pds.

And most importantly watched noreen dance and cheered her at liverpool malaysian night the night before. =) Will post some nice piccies when I get back to manchester tomoro.

I LURVE APRICOTS. PISTACHIO's TOO. Yumms can't wait to enjoy them. =)


go....nna...dr..ift....to...sle..ep...so....on..

...zzz...zzzzz.....

I know I'm just being fussy and complain-y and all that, but WHY ON EARTH does amazon have to deliver my hard drive in a box this BIG?

I can put lets see : 9 X 6 =54 hard drives in there. Not kidding, I know, I know. I am indeed jobless.

My dear sister Miss Lee Sze Xian ( also known as miss vain lee ) would PROTEST when she hears about this. Organise a riot against Amazon.com even. Haha one of the banners would have a caption like this :

"AMAZON NOT doing its part in saving the amazon jungle."

or.. or...

"AMAZON NOT amazing."

(please don't kill me xian, *innocent faced peilian opens her eyes as big as it can get* shows that I think of you whatt =) )

Despite the 'I-don't-give-2-ticks-about-the-stupid-jungle' attitude, I have to say that Amazon is very reliable. Its the only place I would do my online shopping without worrying about being conned. My 'the other boleyn girl' story book was bought from there too. =)

So anyways.

Broccolli n cheese is yucky. ( seriously. I had this for dinner tonight )

But making cards makes me go YUPPIE!!! =) Especially when it is for a good cause. Today I spent the whole afternoon in the chaiplaincy making THESE 2 cards :

It was so so tedious and time consuming to make!! First we had to cut really thin strips of coloured paper, then roll them, then figure out a shape to create with them. And because I havent done them before it took me ages to roll it right, and to figure what to create with them.

But I'm proud of these little cute-sies. I hope they get sold out fast. =)

Cass and Kari made really cute ones too. =)

This one's a classic : A rabbit in the rain, under an umbrella.

This as well; A tree-turned-into 'celery'. ( with extra photographic effects of kari's snail keychain ) Looks more like pak choi to me tobehonest. =)

There were others made earlier by the other girls ( not today ) which I thought were gorgeous too.

Are you feeling like awwwwwwww right now? Heheh. =)

Little did we know that whilst we girls are cutting-rolling-sticking away, the guys have an artistic agenda of their own. =)

Alex, francisco and oscar had their version of ART translated onto a grapefruit.

Alex's British, Francisco n Oscar's Mexican ( spanish speaking ) and don't ask me whats with GO USA.

If I had a pen that time, I would have drawn "Mighty Malaysia". =)

Malaysia Boleh just doesn't seem right at this point in time with stupid politicians getting on each others throat, after the 'so-called-successful' general election. The leaders of my country really disappoint me sometimes.

Oh well.

More birthdays.

Tomone turned 28, and Robin turned 21 this weekend!

So yes, it was cake and more cake.

My church friends and I threw Tomone a 'surprise' birthday meal during our weekly church group meeting in Karina's house. We had cod, potatoes and a YUMMY-licious lemon meringue pie curtesy of Karina, Cass and myself =) ( although the chief-cook was karinita )

The kitchen was in a frenzy for we started cooking quite late, and Tomone is always so PUNCTUAL we couldnt get the meal ready in time to say SURPRISE TOMONE!

HAHA so when she arrived there was this super obvious kind of GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN TOMONE vibe I bet she knew what we were up to already.

It was funny how karina couldnt leave cass n I in charge of her kitchen, for she kept saying she had to leave to pick alex up and rent a dvd from blockbuster, and never really left. Gave me instructions to 'baby-sit' the boiling potatoes and carrots, also the fish in the oven, at the same time crush shortbread for the base of the lemon meringue pie. And tried to leave, but never really did. Until everything was almost done anyway. Hahaha if she did leave us, I'm afraid there might be no dinner in the end, for the recipes are all so foreign to cass n myself. Nothing I ever concocted myself.=)

After leaving tomone feeling bored in the living room for quite some time, it was finally time to EAT.

Cod baked in lemon and wine, carrots boiled with cream, and potatoes drenched in olive oil and oregano. OO-LALA. =)

And, Karina's lemon meringue pie! OMG she's amazing at deserts, that girl. =) Her mango pudding's heart-melting too. I already am anticipating our desert for Easter lunch.

Us =) ( our weekly marion group minus naomi and karina )

Its always so fun chilling with these peeps =) We played taboo, uno, and tried to compose a song. HAHA. =)

xxx

Another birthday, last night. This was somewhat different coz there was a 'theme' and people were supposed to come dressed as anything starting with the letter 'R' in conjunction to the birthday boy's name, 'Robin'.

Robin's my coursemate in dentistry, a Welsh guy with a funky sense of style, and good impersonation skills. =)

Rocker-girl Ayish, Ribbon-me, and Rabbit Sandy =)

Cute birthday cake =)

A Reverend brought Robin his cake, whilst a Robber looks on.

The birthday boy, looking pleased with his cake. Looking on was 'Rooney' and girl on Rollerskates. =)

There was a PINATA too! Omg I always watched the kids play this on 'Barney n friends' when I was younger!

It was hilarious watching people take turns to swing the stick, trying to break the pinata.=)

Finally it was broken into pieces, and candy was scattered all over the ground for us to pick.

It was, all in all, an enjoyable night. =)

=) Have a good week, peeps!

I wonder how humans in the primitive age survived without technology.

Being the techno-noob that I am, I still think I would DIE without my IPOD ( hahaha yes a nice new cute blue one ) and my laptop. DIE of B.O.R.E.D.O.M, that is.

OK I'm going to say something that would make you guys think I'm weird to the ULTIMATUM.

But I have the need to express my fears.

So here goes : I think my JAW is getting bigger. So much so that when I smile you see all my lower teeth.

I see some people cringe-ing. HAHAH.

Eh. But seriously you know. I have this phobia that one day I would wake up looking like this :

THERE. See what I mean?

OK I wasn't exactly SMILING, and there might be a 'slight' intended stupid expression that I was trying to portray, FAILING miserably at it.

Although I forgot what I was trying to 'look' like, but one thing for sure, its downright HIDEOUS.

Hahaha but for a good laugh, why not. ( although because of this photo my 'saham' might turun mendadak =) )

So now you see why I have my fears.

As you would be able to tell, BOREDOM is not healthy for me. Indeed.